Silence
by Dawn Ruthless
Summary: Morgana has returned to Camelot after Merlin poisoned her, but the poison had more far-reaching consequences than even he realised. Not only had he damaged her heart, but he had done physical damage as well. Can he ever right his wrongs?
1. Found

I could hear only cries. Cries of men in agony after being attacked by those uncaring brutes. We had our revenge though, and all the bandits were dead, having gotten exactly what they deserved. Still, two fine knights has died this day, along with hundreds before them, all for the sake of one person. One person who had betrayed them all. Even knowing of her betrayal, I couldn't bring myself to wish her dead and my actions against her have haunted me since she was taken away. Poisoning Morgana was the worst thing I have ever had to do, and I needed to know she was alive to finally free myself of the burden on my shoulders. I would never forgive myself, but at least I would know I was not responsible for her death. For this reason, I needed her to be alive.

I watched cautiously as a dark shape stumbled through the trees, their form yet undefined due to the fog. Yet it only took a few more seconds before I recognized them. I could not see their face, but I would know her anywhere. Her hair was in wild tangles and a once fine dress was reduced to rags. She walked with a limp and hunched shoulders, the proud stance she normally pervaded long gone. When we could finally see her properly, I stiffened. Of course I had known who it was, but seeing her in the flesh still shocked me. Even as disheveled as she was, she was still beautiful, and seeing her made me fall to my knees in shock and relief.

_Morgana._


	2. Warnings

"Morgana?" Arthur asks, and I know he barely dares to believe it. He is too shocked to even smile. I can't either, although in my case, it is more because of nervousness and guilt. What is to stop Morgana telling Arthur what I did to her? She was not looking at me though, she was looking at Arthur with pure terror on her face. He reached out to her but she seemed hysterical and tried to run away. Arthur cursed and pulled her back, turning her so she had to look into his eyes.

"Morgana, it's me!" He exclaimed, but she continued struggling.

"Calm down, it'll be alright." He soothed, and with a few more words of comfort she let herself sag forward and fell into Arthur's arms. I couldn't see Arthur's expression but his fists tightened. He was obviously thinking about what could have caused someone as strong as Morgana to break down in his arms. I only noticed this for a second though, because I although I couldn't see Arthur's expression, I could see Morgana's. None of the knights were close enough to see her expression through the fog, so only I saw the deadly glare she sent my way.

"Morgana." I murmured but she said nothing. She pulled away from Arthur, her expression suddenly becoming innocent when she looked at him. She was too manipulative for her own good.

"Morgana, what happened?" Arthur asked, but Morgana just shook her head and looked down, although her eyes flickered to me with a glare so furious that I had to take a step back. How Arthur didn't see the glare was beyond me but he always been a bit blind. I mean seriously, you only had to look at me to see how dimwitted he could be sometimes. Arthur seemed to realize that Morgana didn't want to talk about what happened. His lips tightened but he let it go.

"Are you okay to ride?" He asked her, and Morgana nodded. Arthur sighed.

"Please talk to me Morgana. I haven't seen you in a year, nor have I heard your voice. I have waited so long, hoping to hear your voice again." Morgana looked touched and smug at the same time. She opened her mouth to give some smart comment before closing it again. She looked at the ground, her eyes containing both anger and sadness. Arthur's devastation was only a shadow compared to hers. She shook her head again before making her way to the horses.

I don't know how it happened, but somehow Morgana ended up sitting on the horse behind me as we rode back to Camelot. I fidgeted uncomfortably as we rode but it only made Morgana tighten her arms further and even go so far as to lean her head against my shoulder, under the pretense of sleeping. It was a good performance, I admit, but I knew better due to the fact that Morgana runs her thumb in circles over my stomach, her hand hidden by my jacket and because every now and then I would feel her press her body subtly against mine. I flinched every time she did it but that only made her continue, as well as moving onto bolder things. Once, she even pressed a light kiss to my neck that sent shudders running down my spine. It was only when we stopped for the night that I got a reprieve. She was doing it to taunt me I knew. To show me that she had absolute control over me and I could do nothing about it. I helped her off the horse as was expected, and then kept as much distance between us as possible.

As I was making dinner that night, I saw her pull a sheet of parchment from within the folds of her dress and a straight stick of coal. The parchment was ripped in several places, and my eyebrows furrowed. She ignored my look as well as Arthur's and continued to write.

"Morgana, what is that?" He asked, but she ignored him, only looking up when he started to move towards her. He put his hands up in surrender and moved away.

I took the first watch and when everyone was asleep, Morgana stood up and walked over to me on the pretense of helping and dropped the piece of paper in front of me when Arthur turned his back. She moved back to where she was sleeping and watched me, waiting to see my reaction on whatever the piece of paper contained. Curiosity won and I picked up the paper ball with a sigh. I unfolded it quickly, holding it near the fire to see it better.

_This is your fault. I am going to make your life a living hell for what you have done._

I looked at the paper in confusion. What was my fault? Because we had found her and were bringing her home? But if that were the case, she could have easily run away when the knights were near, but instead she came straight towards us. That she had been taken in the first place? How was that my fault? She was the one conspiring with Morgause. Morgana just shook her head at me and mouthed '_idiot' _but gave me nothing further. She turned around on her bedroll so her back was to me and I stared at her uneasily. What was she planning? The rest of my watch was spent with the same uncomfortable feeling before someone took over the watch and I dragged myself into my bedroll and fell into an uneasy sleep.


	3. Unspeakable

The next day was just as bad as the one before, if not worse. We were on a narrow track which meant we all had to be in single file, and being the servant, I of course was at the back. This gave Morgana the opportunity to slip her hand under my shirt to touch the skin there. I flinched as her cold skin came in contact with mine and I could just feel her smirking behind me. I huffed in annoyance and moved towards the front of the group so that Morgana had no choice but to move her hands. Arthur noticed though and scowled at me.  
"What do you think you're doing Merlin? In case you hadn't noticed, there isn't enough room for you to ride next to someone just to make you feel less lonely. Go back."

"Clotpole." I muttered just loud enough for him to hear and allowed my horse to stop for a moment while the knights overtook me again. I grimaced as Morgana touched my stomach again. It wasn't because her touch felt bad. The opposite in fact. I shouldn't feel such pleasure from my enemy, and whatever else she was, she was definitely my enemy.

We stopped once more and Morgana seemed genuinely exhausted but refused to show it. She sat on her own and glared at anyone who came too close. I flinched under the glare she sent me from across the campsite but refused to look away. Her skin was pale, devoid of the warm colors that used to fill it, but there was nothing that could fix that other than eating well and resting. Her hair on the other hand, bugged me more than I cared to admit, because it could be fixed but wasn't. Eventually the temptation grew too much and I groaned before rummaging in my bag for my comb. I didn't generally comb my hair, it was usually just for combing mud and other undesirable things out of my hair, especially when sleeping on the ground.

Morgana's glare intensified when I moved towards her but I ignored it and sat behind her. She stiffened and started to turn around but I stopped her with my hands on her shoulders.

"Stop. Face forward." She shook her head and tried to move away but I stopped her and after a moment she gave in, too tired to fight. It saddened me that she was brought so low but at least it meant she had to accept help, even if she didn't deserve it. Her back was stiff as she waited to see what I would do. I sighed again. She trusted me once. I leaned her head forward gently and started to comb out the ends of her hair. She sat up straight in surprise but I stopped her again, and she didn't fight me this time. Her state must have bothered her even more than it bothered me for her to accept my help.

I combed through her hair gently, piece by piece and eventually the repetitive movements lulled me into calm easiness, and I even started humming. It was a song that my mother had sung to me as a child whenever I was scared or upset. I didn't even realize that I had started singing softly until I was a few verses into the song.

_The world is full of wonders child_

_You only need to look_

_To find what you desire child_

_You only need to hope_

_So smile like the sun my child_

_Sing like the hummingbird_

_Follow what you know is right_

_And your heart will give you light_

_The world is full dreamers child_

_They are everywhere around you_

_To find out what you wish for child_

_Listen to your dreams_

_So smile my like the sun my child_

_Sing like the hummingbird_

_Follow what you know is right_

_And your heart will give you light_

I continued to brush Morgana's hair numbly, oblivious to the tears that ran down my face, silent and cold. I looked at the girl in front of me. The man who raised her as a child died before she was old enough to really understand the things he taught her and Uther certainly never taught her right from wrong. I had both my mother and Gaius to teach me how to be a good person. Morgana had no one. She had managed to one of the kindest and goodhearted person I had met, regardless of her upbringing until recently. Now the strong willed girl who did anything to help innocents was gone. The girl who followed me to my village to defeat Kanen had turned down the darker path. That girl was killed by my hand.

Morgana's shoulders shook slightly and I leaned to the side to see her better. She stared straight ahead and her face was set but she could not help her own tears flowing. My song had cut to her very core. I shifted so I was sitting in front of her and pulled my sleeve over my hand so I could use it to wipe her face clean of tears. I did not offer any words of comfort or scorn. I merely brushed away her tears before moving to sit behind her again. I finished brushing her hair in silence, and braided it like I had been taught as a child.

I could see Arthur staring at me with confusion and slight suspicion but he did not come near us. He probably did not want to interrupt us when Morgana had finally let someone past her barrier. She saw Arthur staring and moved away from me, seating herself by the fire. I tried to let the action wound me, but it still stung a little. I saw her once again writing on her sheet of parchment but left before she had finished. I walked into the woods, kicking at stones under my feet.

"Stupid." I muttered to myself. "She can't be trusted." I dropped to a seat beneath a tree at least 20 metres from the campsite, still muttering to myself. My head fell into my hands and I groaned.

"What am I supposed to do?"

Everyone had gone to bed by the time I returned and I silently slipped into my bedroll, frowning when I hit something with my foot. Thinking it may be a dangerous bug or something, I tore out of the sleeping bag, cursing quietly. I looked around but no one seemed to have woken. I held the bag upside down at arms length, shaking it to get whatever it was out of the bag. Instead of a scorpion or giant spider thought, a square of folded paper sat there. I picked it up and opened it to see Morgana's elegant writing, visible by the light of the coals.

_This changes nothing._

Turning around, I looked at Morgana, who was now sitting up and glaring at me. I fell down in shock but Morgana didn't even smile. I sighed and looked at the note again.  
"Why the notes? Why not just talk to me? We both know that you weren't actually being tortured by bandits while you were gone." I whispered so only she could hear. Nevertheless, she whacked me over the head to make me shut up. Not being bothered to get out her parchment, she reached over to write in the dirt.

_I can't._

"What do you mean?" She rolled my eyes and rubbed out her writing before rewriting the exact same thing.

"What difference does it make, whether you talk or not?" Her fists clenched and she grabbed a dagger that lay discarded by the fire and stabbed it into the dirt where she had written her message.

_I can't._

My face paled as I realized what she meant.

Morgana had lost her ability to speak.


	4. This Is Your Fault

Morgana meant what she said when she told me that our 'moment' the night before changed nothing. If anything, it only made her assault worse. As well as the usual touching of my skin, she now gave me quick pinches and pokes so that I never knew if her touch was going to be tender or harsh, pleasurable or painful.

I flinched when she quickly pinched the skin below my ribs and she chuckled. Except it wasn't really a laugh, but a hoarse croak that sounded painful to my ears. I felt Morgana's hands clench over my stomach and she grabbed a handful of my skin, twisted and dug her nails into my skin at the same time. I hissed and Arthur looked back at us.

"What's wrong Merlin? Is your little bottom sore?" He mocked.  
"Yes." My reply was simple; I did not want to argue with him right now. Arthur frowned.

"Well get over it, we can't have you moaning the whole trip. You're giving me a headache already." He was still trying to get a response from me. I ignored him. He looked back to the front with a huff of annoyance.

Of course I could always just tell Morgana to stop, but I think that would only raise questions and make me look like a heartless idiot when Morgana did her innocent act. There was another way I could stop her as well, but I would not reveal my secret over something so petty. I suppose I deserved it anyway, I condemned a girl to spend her life in silence. She didn't deserve that, no matter what she had done. The world went dark as I clenched my eyes shut, trying to ease the familiar feeling of guilt that washed over me, and failed.

It was only when we had almost reached Camelot that she stopped. Arthur moved his horse to the side of the path and stopped to allow the knights to pass him. He gestured for me to stop and I did so beside him.

"Pull her hood on, we can't have people seeing her face." He saw my confused look and elaborated. "She needs to get to Gaius as soon as possible, and it will cause delays if the townspeople see Morgana is back and well."

"Of course." I said and pulled up the hood of the cloak that we had given Morgana the night before. She was perfectly capable of doing it herself, but seemed more interesting in making me look less than her by making me do it. I could see it in the smug expression she wore. My fingers brushed her face as I pulled the hood up and it made my fingers tingle. Morgana looked uneasy and I would have sworn she would have blushed if she were not so frail. I pulled back quickly and faced straight ahead, ignoring Arthur's raised eyebrow.

"Are we going or not?" I asked him, since he seemed in no hurry to move. I think he would have mocked me for my reaction further, if Morgana had not swayed in her saddle at that moment, betraying her weariness.

"Let's move." He told the knights and we started forward again.

There were a few curious stares as we rode back into the city. Even the commoners could tell that their Prince looked happier, like a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders. There was also the matter of the mysterious rider at the back of the group, sharing a horse with the Prince's manservant. No one said anything of course. Arthur was a Prince after all. Eager as he was to share the good news with his father, Arthur increased the pace and they were inside the castle within minutes, the horses having been passed of to the stable hands. Another few minutes and I was in the physicians chambers with Morgana, as Arthur went to inform his father of Morgana's return. Gaius was fussing over her while I sat in the corner, unable to take my eyes off her face, so innocent in sleep.

"What do I do Gaius?" My voice was pleading, begging him to tell me what the right thing to do was.

"You wait. She will be fine Merlin, and you just have to hope that she does not tell Uther what you have done." His voice wasn't accusatory, merely concerned. He finally finished checking over her and took a step back.  
"There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with her. Just exhaustion. She needs to rest." He told me firmly and I raised an eyebrow at him.  
"For once Gaius, I know you are wrong." I was about to continue but Gaius interrupted before I could.

"I think I know what treatment is best for her Merlin, I have been a physician for a lot longer than you have been my apprentice." He chided in annoyance. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help my face dropping.  
"Not about that." I murmured. "Exhaustion isn't the only thing wrong with her Gaius." I muttered brokenly. He moved in front of me and forced me to look at him.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, his arms folded over his chest, in a pose that was surprisingly intimidating on an old man.

"She's mute." I looked down again, unable to meet his eyes.

"What?" He asked stupidly, the shock evident in his voice.

"She's mute. She can't speak." I explained, every word burning on its way out. Gaius hit me over the head and I looked at him incredulously.

"What was that for?" I exclaimed, holding my head where he slapped me.

"I know what mute means boy. What I want to know is why she can't speak!" It felt like he was digging into the very core of my being. The most damaged part of my soul.

_This is your fault._

Morgana's words on the paper resonated through me and I put my head in my hands. There was only one thing she could mean, but I needed it confirmed.

"Gaius, can poisoning someone rob them of their ability to speak?" My eyes beseeched him, hoping for a negative. But Gaius had never been one to lie to make someone feel better.

"It is not common, but I have heard cases in which the poison spreads causes enough damage to the throat and the voice box to cause such a result." He replied and my shoulders shook, sobs echoing around the room.

_This is your fault._

"It is my fault." I didn't know if I was talking to Gaius or to the voices in my head that kept repeating Morgana's words. Gaius simply sat by me and comforted me as best he could, and eventually I calmed down enough that the cries stopped, leaving me numb and cold.

_This is your fault._


	5. Ashes

I waited anxiously outside the door, bundle of flowers in hand. I know she had betrayed us, but it didn't stop the guilt consuming me, urging me to at least do something nice to her and to apologise for what I did. The door opened suddenly and caught me by surprise. I fell backwards and she did nothing to stop me as I landed on my backside, squashing the flowers in the process. I jumped up quickly, and picked them up before any more damage could be done to them.

"I'm sorry Morgana. For everything." I said honestly holding out the now slightly squished flowers for her to take. She looked at me scornfully and ignored them, turning her back on me and walking into the room. She left the door open however and I took that as an invitation to enter. I sighed and placed the flowers in a vase sitting on her dressing table, replacing the wilted ones that currently occupied it. They looked so pathetic looking with their broken stems though, so as soon as Morgana turned her back on me, I took the risk.

"_þurhhælan." _I muttered, and the flowers sprung back into health, looking even brighter than before. I smiled slightly and jumped when I heard a chair scraping behind me. Looking back, I noticed Morgana pulling out a chair for me before taking the other for herself. She placed a bottle of wine on the table between the chairs and waved her hand towards the spare chair, beckoning me to sit down, her eyes both angry and mocking.

"Isn't that the man's job?" I asked, trying for humour. She said nothing, just stared at my intensely until I took the proffered chair. She poured the drink herself, not trusting me to pour it for obvious reasons. She took her own drink and gestured for me to take a sip of mine first. I declined, nervous about what she may have done with the bottle while I wasn't looking.

"My Lady, this is highly inappropriate…" I tried. Well, it was. A lady drinking with a servant in the hours after dark. It was scandalous. She rolled her eyes mouthed 'drink it.' Her eyes dared me, the threat obvious. If I didn't agree, she could easily hand me into Uther, who would kill me slowly and painfully for poisoning his ward.

"If you insist." I muttered and brought the drink to my lips. I took a sip with my eyes closed, waiting for the burning sensation of poison to rush down my throat, revenge for what I did to her. When a few minutes passed and nothing happened, I looked at her questioningly. She looked at me in amusement, but knew better than to try and laugh in her condition. Instead, she simply drank a little of her own wine, a slight smile still on her lips. She was having a great time making me nervous. I sighed. If she was going to keep doing this, I was going to need something to keep me sane. I sculled the rest of the wine and she raised an eyebrow at me, disapproving. Suddenly, her expression changed and she downed her wine aswell. My small amount of wine wasn't enough to make me drunk, but it was enough to make me slightly bolder, and I smirked at her.

"Oh, you really want to do this?" I asked cheekily, and she looked at me challengingly. I laughed and refilled both our glasses, not failing to notice how closely she watched the action. It made me sad that I was the reason for her suspicion but I pushed the feelings away. I raised my glass in toast.

"To old friends." I tried and she shook her head, leaning back to reach for her notepad and pen that was resting on the dresser. She dipped the quill into the ink, and wrote a very quick message.

_To new enemies. _

I pursed my lips.

"To old memories?" I tried, and she thought for a minute before nodding. We clinked glasses and downed the drinks. I knew it was stupid to be doing this. Of course I did. If anyone came in and saw us, I would be death before I could say _sorcerer._ Worse than that though, my lack of control may result in my magic losing control and Morgana finding out about my secret. But at the moment, I couldn't care less. I was going to take what I could get before Morgana decided that she was done teasing me, and turned away from me forever.

It must have been many hours later when we were both on the ground in front of the fire, laughing as I recounted some of the more embarrassing stories about stupid things Arthur had done. She couldn't tell me any of course, and it would take too long to write them down, but it was fun all the same. Even in our inebriated state, Morgana would not let me near her, and she would watch like a hawk every time I poured a drink for her. I was smart enough to realize that it was all a trick and that she was only trying to make it worse for me when she finally turned on me, but I couldn't help but hope as her mask slipped more and more with every drink and every laugh we shared. She no longer glared at me when she laughed, a laugh which sounded like someone choking, and I tried not to let it bother me either, although I never fully succeeded.

"Only Arthur could let himself be enchanted by a Sidhe before it even cast a spell on him." I said, and Morgana grinned. At the time, Arthur's position made them both nervous wrecks, but now that we looked back on it, we could both laugh at his idiocy. Morgana smile dropped for a moment, and her expression turned devastatingly sad at the memories of times with her foster sibling who was like a brother to her, and she now had to turn against. It saddened me that she still believed that killing Uther were the only ways to bring magic back. A stray hair fell in her face and I raised my hand boldly and brushed it behind her ear. I could see her about to shy away from my touch and I rested my hand against her cheek. She stiffened but stayed where she was.

"Don't do this Morgana. Arthur will be a better king than his father, but you have to let Uther die of normal means. Using magic to kill Uther will only turn Arthur against magic." I tried to get her to understand without telling her of Arthur's and my own destiny, but her face just turned cold and she jerked her head away. She leaned over her notebook, which now rested on the ground in front of them, and wrote another message.

_He will be exactly like his father._

"You're wrong Morgana. Arthur is not filled with the same hatred and fear as his father, he will bring magic back, but not if it is magic that kills his only remaining family. You jut need to believe in him. I believe in Arthur." I lifted her chin so she had to look me in the eye. "And I believe in you. I know you Morgana, you have a good heart." She jerked her face from my grip and writes furiously, angered even more by the necessity of writing it.

_And yet poison me._

"I had no other choice Morgana." I whispered brokenly, looking at the ground. "I had to protect Camelot, and killing you was the only way to protect Camelot and Arthur." I tried to make her understand, but she only seemed angrier.

_It's always about Arthur isn't it?_

"Morgana, please…"

_Get out._

"I-" I started but she clapped her hand over my mouth and pointed at the book once more, this time mouth the words as well.

"_Get out." _Her face was stony and I knew better than to try and reason with her. I got up from my place on the floor and made my way to the door. She didn't follow to close the door behind me. She didn't even look at me. She just tore out the page in her notebook and chucked it in the dying embers, which flared up for a moment as they burnt the paper, reducing it to ashes.


	6. Definition Of Traitor

**A BIG thank you to the reviewers so far, you make me smile every time. And I know, I have taken a long time to update and you don't want to hear excuses but I'm going to say it anyway. I am writing my own book at home (not a fanfiction) so that is taking up quite a bit of my time aswell. I'm putting the book on hold though, so I can write some more of this story =) I am also replying to all the reviews so far.**

**Insanetrouble: Thank you, I wrote it myself. It's always good to know that I'm not making a fool of myself trying to write lyrics.**

**Lilmiss: Why thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it =) Yes, Merlin does have some serious arse kissing to do, I'm right with you there.**

**Sacred3: Nice to see you again =) Yes, it will be rather difficult for Morgana to perform magic, although the dastardly plans with Morgause are not really an issue, seeing as she rarely uses incantations in the magic Morgause makes her do. And yes, it is a huge twist. If Morgana could speak, there would be no story. Angst is my specialty, so you can expect a lot more of it, but if you think you are sadistic for enjoying the angst and guilt, what does that make me for writing it? ;) **

**SunnySmile1324: Yes, Morgana does seem to draw the short straw a lot doesn't she? She's like a magnet for misfortune, even more so than Arthur. And you will have to read to find out what happens between them ;)**

**Lady Slythering of Camelot: Thanks for the tip, but I couldn't help myself. I was on a roll ;)**

**Timelord-In-Camelot: Aww, made my day. It's always great to know that someone is thinking about your story when they aren't actually reading or seen an update for it. Makes you think that what you write is actually worth remembering :')**

**Morgana's POV**

I stared sullenly into the embers as I thought over the conversation with the traitor. He had taken everything from me. My trust, my hope, my innocence, and my voice, and he thought _I _was in the wrong. There was a digging in my palm as I curled my hands into a fist, my nails digging into my skin. I shouldn't be getting this worked up over a servant, especially a traitorous one such as him. He's not even worth my anger.

I got up suddenly and moved with purpose to my wardrobe. I would forget all about tonight, and everything he said. Pulling on a thin nightie due to the warm weather, I forced myself to calm and deliberately loosened my muscles. He would pay for what he did, but for now I would try and get what little sleep I could. The alcohol should help. Smiling slightly with my plan, I turned away from the cupboard only to look straight at the flowers Merlin had left on my dresser. They looked vibrant and perfect despite being sat on by Merlin. For some reason this made me immensely angry. Everything just _had _to go right for _him_ didn't it? Never having to worry about who he was or if there was something wrong with him. Never having to look his guardian in the face knowing he would be executed for what he was. No, he could never understand that.

I was filled with a sudden loathing of the flowers and without warning the vase exploded shattered into pieces, and spreading all across the floor. My magic did not scare me as much as it did before I left Camelot, but it still made me flinch. I remembered the spell Morgause taught me to clean up the mess after incidents like these. It took me a few tries, but in the end, all the fragments ended up in my hands and were swiftly deposited into the bin without me needing to cast a spell. I punched the cupboard door angrily, making a large bang and making my hand ache immensely. Because of one meddling serving boy, I could never say spells, and therefore never do large feats of magic. Because of Merlin, I could never use my magic properly.

**Merlin's POV**

I stared unblinking at the ceiling as I lay in bed, thinking about all that had passed that night. No matter how many times I told myself it was a trick on her part, it still cut deeply when she looked at me with hatred once more. I shouldn't be getting this worked up over a traitor, but I couldn't help it. She had always held a place in my heart from the very first time I saw her. And there were times where I could still see the old her, making it impossible to give up.

I sobbed quietly, how had it come to this? When did she turn away from us? Was there anything that could have stopped her from going down this path, or was it always destined to happen as the dragon said? I knew the answer, but I didn't want to admit it. If I had told her of my magic, she may never have gone to Morgause, who could never have corrupted her. If I had confided in her about my magic when she had been terrified of her own, I never would have had to poison her.

I knew one thing for sure, as much as I knew it was foolish. I still believed that she could be saved, and I would do everything in my power to do so. I would try to save Morgana, even if it meant an end to my sanity.


	7. Gifts From The Heart

**Merlin's POV**

I groaned as Gaius pulled the covers off of my body, exposing my skin to the chilly morning air. He looked down at me sternly. I groaned and rolled onto my stomach to shield my eyes from the sun. Not to mention that my head felt like it had been stampeded by every single one of the knights horses. I am never drinking again.

"Get up Merlin. Just because you stay out at ungodly hours in the morning, that doesn't mean you can slack off on your job. Where were you anyway?"

"Uh…" Trying to think of a believable excuse was more difficult than it seemed. No wonder Gaius always used the same one. I couldn't exactly tell him that I was drinking with Morgana in her chambers at extremely inappropriate hours at night. Thinking of Gaius's usual lie gave me an idea for both an excuse as to why I was out and to give me a reason to ask for a hangover tonic.

"I was at the tavern." Gaius's eyebrows shot up and I could tell he didn't believe me.  
"Well that's nice. Care to tell me the real reason now?" He asked sarcastically. I looked at him with what I hoped was an innocent expression.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I figured I may as well go and see what all the fuss was about since I have never had time to go before." I insisted, trying to make my lie more believable. Gaius just rolled his eyes and walked back out the door, obviously deciding it wasn't worth trying to get the truth out of me.

"I take it the means you want a hangover remedy then?" He called through the door, trying to catch me out.

"That would be great! Thanks Gaius!" I grinned to myself, my lie had worked out perfectly. Knowing how effective Gaius's hangover tonics were gave me the extra motivation to pull myself out of bed, knowing that the longer I stayed in there, the longer I would have this splitting headache. Not to mention that the later I was, the angrier Arthur would be. I changed into my usual clothes, wincing when I fell and bashed my knee trying to put my pants on. After checking in my small shard of mirror, I decided that I was presentable enough, and made my way downstairs.

Gaius didn't look up from his breakfast but pointed to my side of the table, where both my breakfast and hangover tonic was waiting. He watched intently as I sat down, obviously wanting to see if I drank the vile liquid. Even Gaius knew that it tasted bad enough that no one would take it without cause, not even to play along with their own lie. I scrunched my nose and downed it in one go, trying hard not to bring it back up again. I swallowed half a cup of water straight after, trying to get rid of the vile taste.

"Never gets any better." I said with a cough before moving on to my breakfast.

* * *

I walked into Arthur's chambers, ready for the verbal bashing that was sure to follow my tardiness. To my surprise, he was already up and dressed, chainmail and all.

"You're dressed!" I said incredulously.

"Obviously." He said while rolling his eyes, obviously offended by my surprise. His expression brightened a second later and he gestured me over.

"I bought something for Morgana. To show her how much we missed her." His tone darkened at the end, and it stopped me from making some smart remark about how he was the one acting like a girl this time.

"What is it?" I asked instead. Arthur smiled, his mood swings were worse than a woman's at _that _time of the month. He grabbed a box of his desk and opened it so I could see.

"What do you think?" He asked excitedly. I looked at it in wonder.

"They're beautiful." I replied without hesitation. The box contained a set of earrings, a necklace, both placed on a silk embroidered cloth. The earrings and necklace matched with their identical green jewels, the only difference between the jewels being the size. The jewels were smooth and perfect on the outside but looked as though they were shattered on the inside, which only enhanced their beauty. I couldn't help comparing them to Morgana, so similar in a way. On the outside, they were beautiful and cold, like Morgana's expressionless mask she wore almost all the time now, while the inside was shattered and broken, but only the more enthralling because of it.

It was the cloth that had me frozen in place though, and I was surprised Arthur didn't laugh at me or call me a girl. Instead, he watched my reaction carefully, obviously trying to see whether I approved of it. He should never have been worried. The cloth was a deep purple, with red embroidered names sewn into each corner. It wasn't the craftsmanship that had me struck dumb however; it was the names that Arthur had asked someone to sew into this for Morgana. In three different corners were Arthur's, Gwen's and Morgana's names, and in the final corner was my own name. I tore my eyes away and looked at Arthur.  
"Arthur, this-" I broke off, not knowing how to continue.

"It's what?" He asked worriedly, obviously taking my furrowed eyebrows as an expression of displeasure. I still couldn't speak and Arthur got more and more nervous, and started to babble.

"I just thought that it would be nice you know, because we used to go on all these adventures together, just the four of us. If it's silly though, I don't have to give it to her, I can always-"

"Arthur!" I exclaimed and he shut up instantly. "It's beautiful. It's so amazing that I don't know how to describe it…" I said and Arthur caught onto the tone that suggested I wasn't finished.

"But?" He prompted. I hesitated.

"But why am I on here? I understand why you and Gwen are. You two were her closest friends but I'm just a servant. Why would you put my name on this? She wouldn't want it there" I honestly didn't understand why he would think Morgana thought that highly of me. I mean, we may have been friends once, but even then I didn't mean anywhere near as much to her as Arthur and Gwen did, and she definitely didn't think of me as a friend anymore. She now hated me more than anyone else, except maybe Uther. She may even hate me more than Uther.

Arthur looked at me as if I was stupid.

"Are you serious? I know how you felt about her, and as hard as it is to believe, she saw you as a friend, if not more." He said, and I laughed, thinking that Arthur was finally back to being his usual sarcastic self. Either that or he had gone mad.  
"You're funny Arthur. You should be court jester, not me."

"Laugh all you want. You aren't the one that had to put up with Morgana lecturing you to be nicer to your servant because he had done so much for you." I felt a tingle go down my spine at Arthur's words. Had Morgana really stood up for me? No wonder my betrayal hit her so hard.

"I wouldn't mind if you were nicer to me." I said in a weak attempt at a joke. It worked though, and Arthur laughed.

"Don't be such a girl Merlin, if I go easy on you, then you will just go soft. I guess Morgana was right about that too, something about you being a lover, not a fighter." He slapped me on the back and moved back to his desk, happier now that he knew his gift was perfect. I gulped. If only Arthur knew how much harder it was being a lover than a fighter. When you fight, you can only get killed. Being a lover hurt more because it can tear apart your very soul.

**Admit it, you thought the gift was going to be the dagger. I thought I should take a little break from the constant Merlin and Morgana scenes, so you guys didn't get too bored. I hope you enjoyed it anyway though, and decide that it was good enough for a review? No? Okay then…**


	8. Unrequited

_**Chase:**_** Glad that you enjoyed it =) and I'm glad you liked the plot twist of Morgana not being able to talk. I thought it would shake things up and make things a little more interesting. Thank you for reading, and a big thank you for your review. Reviews from people like you are my motivation =)**

_**Lilmiss:**_** I'm glad you like the Merlin and Arthur scene, although I apologise if Arthur was a little OOC, Merlin and Arthur scenes aren't my strong point. And do not worry; Morgana will receive the gift shortly, if you just read a little further (wink wink)**

It was a surreal feeling, walking behind Arthur and Gwen to give a gift to someone who loathes you. It was Arthur's idea for us all to be here when he presented her with the gift. I still couldn't help thinking that Arthur must be possessed or something with the sensitive and kind way he was acting. Arthur was in the lead of course, with Gwen and I following in single file behind him. I kept my head down as we entered into Morgana's chambers, hoping she wouldn't notice me standing behind the others.

Morgana jumped when she noticed us, instantly lowering the bottle of wine she was currently pouring into a large glass. It was obvious that Arthur couldn't resist teasing her about it, despite the fact that she had been 'kidnapped' for a year.

"Come Morgana, surely you know by now not to drink wine during the day. You know how hard it is for you to hold your liquor. Remember the time when my father found you and Sir Jacob…fraternizing after the midyear feast when we were younger? Why, if he hadn't turned up when he did I wouldn't have been surprised if your dress had been up even higher than he had already taken it. Then father would have had to do a lot more than banish the man." The grin on Arthur's face was huge as he mocked her for times long past. He never grew up, and he never knew when he had taken things too far. Both Gwen and I looked at him in horror and embarrassment, but it was nothing compared to the look on Morgana's face at that moment. Her cheeks had turned the deepest shade of red, and she glared daggers at him, although she couldn't even bring herself to look at either Gwen or me. Arthur just laughed at her embarrassment, and she glared even harder. Wanting to end her embarrassment, I spoke up.

"What about the time you ran away with Sophia, and I had to knock you out and bring you back?" Arthur was the one looking uncomfortable now, but he didn't give up.

"At least I had all my clothes on!" He exclaimed, and if it was possible, both Morgana and I looked even more awkward. She finally managed to look at Gwen to see her reaction, but Gwen kept her gaze firmly on the floor. Eventually Morgana turned to me, and instead of the anger I expected, her face held only embarrassment shame, as if she had committed a crime. In the end, I couldn't stand to see her so mortified and spoke up.

"Come on Arthur, it's not like she's the only one who has been caught, uh…kissing… it was only kissing right?" I asked for confirmation.

"Merlin!" Arthur scolded, as if me asking was worse than him bringing it up. Morgana seemed less embarrassed though, so I didn't feel too ashamed of myself. Morgana nodded an affirmative, her eyes fixed on the ground once more.

"It wouldn't have been for much longer." Arthur muttered and Gwen hit him on the arm, then realized what she did and clapped her hand over her mouth in horror. Morgana started laughing at Arthur's predicament, and I frowned. What had once been a beautiful laugh was now nothing more than gasps and croaks. The mood dampened instantly and I nudged Arthur forward, gesturing for him to give her the box.

"Right." He muttered, passing it to her. "A welcome home present." He said with a half-hearted smile. Morgana took it off him gently, finally looking at me with the hatred I was expecting, before turning and smiling softly at Arthur. The lid came off and she looked at the present in awe, her grin brilliant as she held the necklace for Arthur to take, and gave him her back so he could put it on for her. The earrings came next, and Gwen took out the old ones and replaced them with the new. Morgana smiled at each of them in turn. My eyes prickled as I watched the interaction between the three. I would never have the bond these three shared.

Finally Morgana pulled out the cloth and just stared at it for several minutes, tears falling silently down her face. Without realizing what I was doing at first, my feet moved towards Morgana and I had taken the cloth gently out of her hands. Once I became aware of my reaction, I cringed. Why was I doing this? Oh right, because I'm an idiot. Knowing it was too late to turn back now though, I folded the cloth lengthwise several times into a strip a few inches thick. I then took her left hand, which was still raised after I had taken the cloth, and tied it gently around her wrist. She looked into my eyes intently, trying to find a motive behind my actions. Forgetting about the company in the room, I lifted my hand to her face and gently brushed away the tears that remained on her face. Morgana froze, and remembering where I was, I stepped back quickly, hands behind my back and head lowered, the picture of a perfect servant.

* * *

I ignored the stares that Gwen and Arthur were giving me on the walk back. I knew what I would see. I couldn't take their knowing glances and secret grins, especially when I knew that nothing could come of it. Any time of relationship between Morgana and I would have been hard enough in the earlier days of Camelot, simply because I was a servant and she was the King's Ward. Now it was downright impossible after I tried to kill her. No matter how many secret moments and sad glances we shared, she could never forgive me for what I did.

After Gwen went her separate way, it was only Arthur and I remaining and I clenched my teeth, preparing myself for the many questions and accusations.

"I know how you feel about her Merlin, and that little stunt back there only proves it." Arthur states and I snort. Stunt? Nice.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I mutter, and now Arthur was the one that snorted.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about it. I've told you before, you can't hide anything from me." He clapped me on the back and I glared at his retreating form.

"I'm not trying to hide anything!" The lie was bitter on my tongue, but it was a feeling I was long used to by now.

"Obviously not, because you make it pretty damn obvious." Arthur said in disapproval. " You have got to be more careful. If my father found out-"  
"I know, I would have no head. It's a good thing that there is nothing to find out, because I rather like my head where it is." I said in annoyance. Why can't he just give up?

"Just admit that you like her and I will leave you alone." He said with a smirk, and I just look him straight in the eye.

"Why don't you admit that you like Gwen?" I challenged and he froze instantly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He muttered and rolled my eyes.

"Sure you don't." I said sarcastically and Arthur frowned and sighed in exasperation.

"Fine! I fancy Gwen! Are you happy? Will you admit to liking Morgana now?" He asked, but it sounded more like a demand. I ignored him and walked to th window, staring outside into the courtyard. My eye caught on _her_walking through the courtyard with Gwen now following her. Morgana's right hand covered her left wrist, where the cloth was tied and if I looked hard enough, I could swear I saw a soft smile on her face. I sighed and for a moment, I let myself believe that it was me she was thinking of when she touched the fabric, not Arthur or Gwen. After that moment though, I was forced to remember reality; that she would never think of me fondly again.

"How can you admit to loving someone…" I whispered, knowing that Arthur could hear me, "who would never love you in return?"

**Poor Merlin! Reviews are love! So if you love me…or even if you don't…You know what to do! =)**


	9. Memories

**Lilmiss: Who doesn't want to cuddle Merlin at moments like these? But yes, it was his fault for poisoning her, cause he was stupid and listened to a dragon with an obvious vendetta against Pendragons. I'm glad you didn't think Arthur was too OOC =)**

**Chase: I'm glad you enjoyed it. And of course he has to be miserable! It's an angst story! (I did put it in the angst section didn't I?...) **

**SunySmile1324: Yep, he's in love with her. Too bad she is too hurt to return his feelings just yet.**

**Lady Slytherin of Camelot: Thanks for the reviews =) Not sure what 'you did' but I'm assuming you meant that you thought the gift would be the dagger. In that case, I got you! Mwahaha. **

**Morgana's Pov**

I walked through the familiar hallway, knowing every stone like the back of my own hand from my frequent visits to Gaius. This time though, I wasn't there to see Gaius, but his irritating and confusing ward. It was late enough that I met no one who would question my furious march to the physician's chambers. I barged into the room, and smirked when a startled Merlin dropped a flask on the ground, sending broken glass everywhere. He looked at me then immediately looked away, uncomfortable. I stormed up to him and shoved a slip of paper into his hands, annoyed that I couldn't make my entrance more dramatic by shouting at him.

_What are you playing at?_

Merlin looked at the note in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" I just glared at him and he fiddled with the hem of his shirt nervously.  
"Are you talking about what happened when we gave you the gift? I'm sorry if I offended you, I just thought we should all play a part since the idea of the gift was to remind us of when we were a team once…When we were friends" He started to babble, and shut him up by putting my hand over his mouth. His eyes were wide but he said no more. I took out my notepad and leaned against the table to write. I could feel Merlin's gaze on me but he didn't speak. I borrowed Gaius's quill and ink and held it over the page, hesitating while I thought about what to write. I could come across as angry and intimidating, or as merely curious, and make him feel more comfortable about answering my questions. Maybe we could even be friends, in time. Hesitating another second, I made up my mind. I couldn't afford to let him worm his way into my life like he did once before. All his softness towards me could only be an act. I fell for it once before, and look where it got me. I couldn't trust him. My sister was the only person I could trust now.

_You are nothing but a servant. Don't think you are worthy of my time, or my friendship. Do not think you can fool me with your silver tongue. And NEVER touch me again._

I shoved the paper hard into his chest, my expression cold, and left before he could say anything.

**Merlin's Pov**

I read the note once more before crushing it in my hand. She thought I was lying about my remorse. I deserved it I suppose, after everything I had done to her. Not telling her about my gift, and then poisoning her. And once again, I had let her leave when she was angry and upset, leaving her without someone to help her or make her feel wanted. Sighing at my stupidity and cowardice, I shuffled over to the table and placed the sheet of paper on a piece of metal equipment. I lifted my hand to set it alight, but lowered it after a moment. With another sigh, I picked up the sheet, folded it, and slipped it into my inside jacket pocket. There may come a time when I needed to be reminded of where things stood and how far gone she was. The note was my reminder.

Not being able to stay in the room any longer, I rose suddenly and left, the door slamming loudly. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I had to do _something _to get my mind off Morgana and everything that was lost because of me. Her voice was only the icing on the cake. When I finally became conscious of where I was. Even with the almost non-existent lighting, I could tell that I was in the council chambers, and I cursed when I realized what had brought me here. Before I could stop myself, I was moving forwards, slowing down as I reached the place where it happened.

_A thud sounded through the doors and I knew it was now or never._

My eyes closed with the memory and I figured I must be a masochist when I turned to where she had been sitting that day.

_Her hand clasps her neck and her gasps echoed around the room as she tried and failed to breathe. _

I grabbed my head in my hands and screamed, long and loud, wanting the images out of my head.

_Her face turned towards me, confused and frightened. I nodded at her, admitting to my actions. Her expression turned hurt and betrayed and I had to wipe the moisture from my eyes and face. _

I fall to my knees, wishing I could reach out to her as I did that day. Only I wished things had been different and I could hold her because she was mine, not because it would be the last time I saw her. Because of me.

_She tried to break away but even after only a few moments, she was too weak to fight me. Tears fell unbroken down my face now, and I made no move to wipe them away._

My shouts turned to cries as kneeled on the floor, my head resting on the ground and my hands covering it.

_Before I knew it, she was gone._

I jerked to a stand and started to back away from the place. Guards burst into the room at that moment, trying to find the source of the shouting. I pushed my way past them, ignoring their suspicious and bewildered looks. Not a second later, I was running, my feet pounding harshly against the stone corridors. It wasn't long before I was out of the castle, and then the city. I fled through the forest, paying no heed to the branches whipping across my skin, or the sting they brought with them. My flight was finally stopped when I tripped over a log, flying forward and crashing into the ground. My breath came in rapid gasps and my limbs trembles from the sudden workout. I lay amongst the long grass, not caring what creatures were hidden within; I just didn't have the energy or willpower to move.

I was just about to stand when I heard voices coming towards me.

**I apologise for any mistakes. I do not have a beta. I know it's a little late, but if anyone wants to volunteer, that would be amazing =)**


	10. Caught Out

**Rya3Saber: Well, you are about to find out what's next. I hope you enjoy.**

**TheElla15: Thank you. That's what makes writing worthwhile.**

**Chase: Thank you for your frequent reviews. It makes me feel good that I am able to convert you to an angst lover ;) Even if it is only for this story. And without misery, where would the happiness be? And here is your update haha**

I froze in my spot hidden by the grass. My ears strained to pick up the slightest of hint as to where and whom the footsteps were coming from, trying to decide whether they be friend or foe. It could be Saxons of course, or regular bandits, who I'm sure I could take care of easily enough. I grimaced, more deaths.

"Sister." If possible, I froze even more and my eyes widened.

_Morgause. _Morgana's mind speech washed over me and I closed my eyes in despair. I was so hoping that I was reaching out to her, and that I could bring her back to u, saving her now even when I didn't once before.

"Why did you summon me?" Morgause's voice was gentle but impatient, as if she had somewhere better to be then with her sister. I think Morgana realized this, and tried to reply but couldn't, as if she suddenly couldn't use her mind speech anymore.

"Come on Morgana. I didn't teach you to speak with your mind for you to fail at it now." Her voice was verging more on impatient now and I could sense Morgana's irritation and slight hurt.

_I was just wondering if you had any more plans for Camelot?_ She responded defensively. Morgause didn't answer for a moment.

"I have a plan in the making, but I must talk to Cenred to gather his army first. But there is also a part you must play if we are to succeed." Morgause's voice was earnest and manipulative and if I hated Uther as much as Morgana did, then I probably would have fallen for them too.

_Of course. What did you need me to do?_ Morgana asked telepathically, the uncertainty gone from her voice. My face hardened. A few words from Morgause and she was drawn into the darkness, ready to turn on Camelot once more.

"The plan is not yet ready, I will tell you when the time is right." There was another moment of silence before Morgana spoke.

_Of course. I will wait for your message._ Morgause stalked away and Morgana watched her go. Before I could hide myself better, Morgana was walking away…towards where I was hidden in the grass. I closed my eyes and relaxed my body. The grass was long enough that Morgana didn't see me until she was right on top of me, tripping over my motionless form. I didn't react however, and kept my eyes shut.

_What the hell?_ I heard her curse and felt another kick in my side. _Merlin? Spying on me are you?_ She must have been talking to herself inside her mind as she didn't know that I had magic, and therefore in her mind, I couldn't hear her internal speech. She cussed again when I didn't reply and pushed me with her boot so I rolled onto my stomach. I let my head loll to the side and my jaw slacken. I heard the crack of branches as she crouched down next to me and held onto my chin as she watched my face. She sighed when she realized I was 'unconscious' and brushed my hair back from her face.

_What are we going to do with you?_ It was as if she had forgotten to 'turn off' her internal speech as I could still hear every word she thought. She wiped some of the dirt off my face. My breath caught but I tried to keep my chest moving naturally as her soft skin moved across my face.

_What are you doing Morgana?_ She thought, and suddenly the hand was gone and a stinging slap hit my cheek. The sudden change form her soft caress to the hard slap had me shooting up, bumping into Morgana's head in the process. We both jerked back and I stood up, swaying from standing so suddenly. Morgana must have taken my swaying for disorientation after a concussion or something and sighed. When I looked at her, gone was the soft Morgana that had wiped my face in my 'sleep'. In her place stood the new, cold Morgana, who was currently looking at me like being injured was only an inconvenience to her. She didn't offer me a hand or even a sympathetic look; she just stood up and started walking. I sighed and followed.

"Morgana!" I huffed after a few minutes of walking. I didn't recognize where I was walking and realized that I must have gone farther than I thought. I decided to play up my story a little more, and try to convince her that I hadn't been listening on her and Morgause's conversation. I kept the accusation out of my voice, and made sure my tone contained only curiosity. She turned to me impatiently, and mimed bringing a bow up and releasing it. Hunting.

"Where's your bow?" I asked confused. Okay, maybe I was playing it up a little too much. Anyone would be suspicious by now. She once again mimed holding the bow, but this time pretended she was bending it over her knee until it snapped. Broken.

"Oh." Morgana went back to ignoring me, and damn did she walk fast when she wanted. "Look, I want to apologise for how I behaved this morning, I was only trying to be nice." She kept ignoring me and I huffed. I ran a few steps and grabbed her arm.

"Can you please listen to me? I didn't want to hurt you before, but it was the only way to save Camelot. To break the spell, was to destroy the vessel." I murmured sadly, blinking back the moisture in my eyes. Even after all this time, the memories still haunt me. Her eyes were confused for a second, but then she seemed to toss the feelings aside and looked at me in anger. She tore her arm from my grasp and pushed me away. I thought over her previous expression and my jaw dropped.

"You didn't know…" I said, half to myself. Morgana just glared at me and mouthed 'what?' I stepped closer and rested my hands on her shoulders, bending down so I could look her in the eye.

"Morgana. You were the vessel." Her eyes widened and she shook her head vigorously, once again escaping form my grasp. She pushed me down in the dirt and started to walk away.

"Morgana! I'm sorry! I thought you knew!" I shouted. I seemed to be apologizing a lot today. She seemed to not be able to take the accusation against her sister, and grabbed a stick before clearing a patch of dad.

_LIAR! _She wrote and I let out a breath.  
"No." I breathed. Morgause was the liar, and even I didn't realize how good a liar she was until now. Her eyes flooded and she spun on her heels and ran, tripping over logs but not caring. I followed after her, and grabbed her waist just before she tripped over a log.

"Morgana, stop. You are going to hurt yourself."

**Morgana's Pov**

I turned to face him, intent on pushing him away again, but as soon as I put my hands on his chest, I stopped. His expression was so full of concern and fear, it broke my heart. Even when my own sister asked me how I was, it seemed fake. I don't how I never realized it before, always taking her concern as genuine. But when I looked into his eyes, I realized that her worry was nothing compared to the emotion in his. His eyes were red from crying sometime recently, and I couldn't help feeling that I was the cause of it. It felt like his hands were burning the skin of my back, but instead of hurting, it sent a warm feeling into my skin.

Then I did what neither of us were expecting.

I kissed him.

**The chapter you have all been waiting for! I hope ;) **

**Do have any idea how hard it is to write when Morgana can't talk? Almost impossible, that's how! I always write about half a chapter normally, then I think 'Dammit! Morgana can't talk, now I have to rewrite the whole thing!'**

**Reviews are lovely, and I reply to every single one in the next chapter, even if they are only small. **


	11. Under Camelot

**Wow guys, the response from the last chapter was amazing! I put it up last night then as soon as I got up this morning…BOOM! Six reviews! So thank you all for making my day awesome =) Also I got a review saying they wanted the kiss from Merlin's POV, so I put a little snippet at the start of this chapter for them. This is just a filler chapter for the next chapter to come, which will be longer. So many updates this week! Your reviews really do get me motivated, I'm not even kidding.**

**Lilmiss: Yes! They finally kissed =P Yes it is very difficult, and I ended up writing the crypt scene with her talking again, and had to change it. Damn… **

**Sheherzade: Just for you, I wrote a snippet of the kiss from Merlin's perspective.**

**WestAnimeBrigade: I'm relieved that kiss didn't seemed forced to you. I was really worried it was =)**

**SunnySmile1324: Her is that update haha**

**Darkangel665: Thanks for the tip. I do try to use facial and body expressions as much as I can, but sometimes it just doesn't get the message across how I want it, and sometimes the expressions get a little repetitive. Thanks for your review!**

**TheElla015: Mergana kisses are always cute ;) haha just kidding… Glad you liked it**

**TheFoundersDaughter: Your excitement is catching =) I'm flattered that you liked it that much. **

Merlin's Pov

Where had this come from? Didn't she hate me a moment ago? Not to mention that she was hatching another plan with Morgause to destroy Camelot. I didn't respond at first, too shocked to kiss her back. Her lips were soft and full, and even more than I imagined them to be during my unguarded moments. I finally responded, and when she started to step back in embarrasment I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her body flush against mine, needed to keep her as close to me as I was able. If it was possible, I would never let her go.

As if reading my thoughts, she stepped back, forcing me to drop my hands. Her cheeks were a light shade of pink which gradually grew darker as I stared at her. My mouth hung open still and a small smile spread across her lips. Her eyes were dreamy for a moment, before she suddenly looked awkward. I tried to speak.

"Uh, abblelabo… hubbita hubbita." The incoherent nonsense that came out my mouth made me drop my head in shame and Morgana's coughing laugh echoed around the forest. My dreamlike state immediately vanished as I looked at her pained expression.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, resting my hand on her cheek. She moved away from my hand, her expression closed again at the reminder of my betrayal. "I will make this right." I promised, my voice strong again. Morgana just shook her head in disbelief and started running again. I let her go this time, following but not trying to catch her. Occasionally, I would use my magic to subtly move a log before she could trip over it, but other than that, I let her be.

* * *

**A few weeks later**

I followed the source of magic to the crypts beneath the castle, knowing who I would see and trying to prepare myself for it. It didn't work. I walked towards her slowly, looking into her cold eyes. The arm holding the sword trembled, but other than that, she showed no sign that our encounter in the woods meant anything. I tried to reach out to her anyway. It was stupid, but I knew I had to try.

"You have to stop this! This isn't you. You are better than this Morgana, I know you are. We can free people with magic…together. Arthur will be a better king than his father, he WILL bring magic back. You just have to trust me Morgana." I pleaded with her, my eyes begging for her to trust me. Her resolve weakened before her face went cold, and I knew she was remembering the last time she trust me…before I poisoned her. It was at that moment that I knew I couldn't persuade her, and lifted my sword as she swung hers at me. I tried to ignore the fact that the girl I loved was trying to kill me.

I shuddered as rocks landed on her small frame, knocking her to the ground unconscious. There was only one thought going through my mind as I sliced the staff in half. That thought was that Arthur better be worth it, after all the pain I had caused Morgana.


	12. More Lies

"Why are you still doing this?!" I exploded. After barging into Morgana's room at an unreasonable hour at night, I wanted an explanation. She looked over from her place by the window calmly, as if me bursting into her chambers was a common occurrence. Now that I think about it, it kind of is. She just raised an eyebrow at me and turned to look back out the window. My fists clenched at my sides as I seethed, angered at her ignoring me. With a flash of eyes she wouldn't see, I closed the door behind me. I walked up behind her silently and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"What do you hope to achieve?" This time, I managed to surprise her and she jumped, instantly turning around and pushing me back. I just stepped back even closer, undeterred.

"Have I not showed you that we care? That I care?" I whispered. I could detect traces of hurt in my voice and I only hoped that she couldn't. It seemed she had though, because she looked up at me, that smirk once again crossing her face.

"Will you stop that?" I said in annoyance and the smirk dropped and her eyebrows came together. Obviously she didn't no what I was talking about. She probably didn't even realize she was doing it.

"Smirking." I elaborated. "It's ridiculous, the only expressions I ever see on your face nowadays are smirks and scowls. It doesn't suit you love." My voice was mocking and she crossed her arms angrily, the scowl on her face only proving my point.

"See?" I said in exasperation. Her lips twisted into a snarl.

'_Shut up Merlin.' _She thought.

"Make me." I replied without thinking, then my eyes widened. Her expression copied mine, although she was more shocked, than horrified as I was. A range of emotions crossed her face as she realized what this meant. Her gaze settled on furious.

'_You bastard! You could have helped me!'_ She raged in my head, obviously having no trouble with her mind speech now.

The slap came out of nowhere and I flinched as I felt the blow across my cheek. Even more shocking was when I was pulled forward, Morgana kissing me again. I was too shocked to respond for a moment, but the second I did, I pulled her towards me and kissed her desperately. One hand slipped down the small of her back while the other moved up to rest in her hair. Warmth flooded through me but was gone again almost instantly. Another slap added to the remaining sting of the first one, and I was shoved away from Morgana once more. This was starting to become a habit.

'_Get out.' _She thought, but I could feel the conflict within her mind. I hesitated a moment and her face became like stone.

'_GET OUT!' _The scream tore through my mind and I winced, my hands flying to cover my ears, as if that would stop the screaming in my head. I was almost tripping over my feet in my haste to escape and I didn't even check to see if the coast was clear as I left. Luckily, there were no guards in the corridors outside her chambers. Even from outside the room, I could hear Morgana's internal fight, and how much my lies were hurting her. I hesitated again before making my decision. I abandoned her once, I wouldn't do it again.

**Finally got a new chapter up. Zero reviews for the last chapter, I was really sad but I guess it was just a horrendously bad chapter or something. Let's hope that this one was better, and is worth a review or two. If not, thanks for reading anyway **

**~Dawn**


	13. Explanations

**Back again my lovelies! The response from the last chapter was AMAZING! I know most of it was probably feeling sorry for me because I didn't get any reviews last time, but still…OMG! It's seems that some people saw the update (the one before last) and some people didn't, which is confusing. It was the one where we see the kiss from Merlin's Pov and then the crypt scene? If you still don't think you saw it, please PM me, and I'll try to re-upload it. I know it was very short, but it was less of a chapter and more of a filler. The first part was in response to a review that wanted to see the kiss from Merlin's POV and the last part was a set up for the next chapter. I promise this chapter will be MUCH longer.**

_**Guest: **_**That's understandable **** this chapter is longer.**

_**Guest: **_**Not sure if this is the same guest or a different one…. Anyway! That's totally fine, please don't feel obligated to review or feel bad when you don't. I wish I could get fanfiction on my phone! Would make life so much better. I'm glad you like reading that sort of thing, because it is my favourite thing to write haha :P And there is plenty more angst to come!**

_**Sheherzade: **_**This is Morgana we're talking about. Who understands anything she does? And you will see Merlin start to stand up for himself from now on. Before, he was feeling too guilty to try and fight for himself, but now he will start to push past that and try harder to make her understand why he did what he did.**

_**Straight Edghe: **_**Yeah, I've always found Morgana o be very impulsive. It's one of the reasons she's my favourite character. I'm glad you can see her doing that. Don't want her too OOC, but I thought it would be interesting to read **** Oh, just realized there is another review from you. Woop woop. Hahaha. I thought I would find an unconventional way for Merlin to reveal his magic. This way, he reveals his magic in a (kind of) humorous way, and she now knows how to communicate with him better **** Thanks for your support**

_**NeroBlueRose: **_**You have no idea how relieved your review made me. The biggest fear a writer has is wondering if no one is going to like their work, so thank you so much for review. I'm glad youa re going to stick with this story, but please don't feel obligated to review if you don't want to.**

_**Angelhaggis: **_**If it was just for me, I would have had her come to her senses long ago, but I'm trying to slow the story down a bit as I seem to jump from hatred to forgiveness and love too easily when I write. Thanks for your review **

_**WestOfTheGlass: **_**I'm glad you liked it **** Just for you, I will make this chapter in Morgana's POV…well, the start of it anyway ;) **

_**TheElla015: **_**Okay. ;) **

_**Groulien: **_**Yes, I will be making them talk, but I can understand Morgana not wanting to talk to him right now, after what she has learned. The chapter with zero reviews is called 'under camelot' and is quite short as it is a filler that set up the last chapter. If you still can't find it, please let me know and I will try to re-upload it. If it still doesn't work, I will send it to you as a document.**

_**SunnySmile1324: **_**It seems that only people who can see it are those who are going through the stories manually, instead of waiting for the alerts. So hopefully, if look in the chapters list, you will find one called 'under camelot'. This is the chapter that you cannot find I assume?**

_**Chase: **_**I'm glad you like the reveal. I was worried that people would think it a little anti-climatic, but I didn't want to have it revealed like most people do. It was quite short, and I am hoping to make this a very long chapter to make up for it. I'm glad your excited to find out what happens next. I am too, because my ideas seem to just come as I write, so what appears on the paper is as much of a surprise to me as it is to you (hopefully)**

_**Lilmiss: **_**Yes! She knows! Haha, and that was the one of the reasons I had her find out in that way**

_**Ems-g: **_**Keep reading and you may find yourself pleasantly surprised (or maybe not so surprised). Yeah, it would be a good way for both to show his faith in her and to ease some of the guilt that he carries from putting her in that position in the first place**

**And FINALLY, onto the story **

**Morgana's POV**

Betrayed. Lied to. Abandoned.

I didn't realize until now, but I had started to believe that he truly regretted what he had done and that he was trying to make things right between us. I scoffed. No, he was protecting his himself. After all, if he could soften me towards him, then there was less chance I would tell Uther about the real reason I couldn't talk. Not that I had ever planned to tell Uther. I was tempted for a moment yes, but that would not help me. If he was going to die anyway, then he would have no inhibitions about telling Uther about my own actions. I may not have been aware of enchanting me at the time - another betrayal of course – but I had consorted with her to try and take Uther down, which was just as damning. I never would have gone to Morgause if I didn't feel so alone in Camelot, even with her being my sister. She was the only one who could help me with my magic, especially when Uther butchered the Druids when I went there for help. I froze. Merlin sent me to the Druids, in the middle of nowhere when he could have helped me himself. Coward.

Suddenly the room started shaking and I wondered what was happening when I realized that the shaking was coming from me. A sob escaped my throat and I collapsed on the ground, shaking violently. Silent tears ran down my face as I held in my sobs, I didn't need anyone coming in on the unlikely chance that they heard me. I hated myself for my weakness, Merlin wasn't worth my tears, I told myself, but I couldn't even convince myself, let alone anyone else. A if reading my thoughts through the door, the object of my despair walked in.

He sucked in a breath when he saw me on my knees and rushed to my side.  
"I'm sorry Morgana. I'm so sorry. About everything." He wrapped an arm around my waist and helped me to my feet. My hands landed on his shoulders to keep my balance before I realized what I was doing.

"Don't touch me." I hissed, pushing him. Even I knew this act was getting repetitive.

"Stop pushing me away Morgana! I want to help you. I _am_ sorry, despite what you think." Without his support, my knees started to give way once more, and he grabbed my waist, holding me up despite my protests.

"I won't let you push me away anymore." He whispered, moving closer. But no matter what he did, I always felt this pull towards him that was almost impossible to ignore. My breathing sped up. I couldn't let this go any further. Not with the traitor.

'_I thought I told you to get out.'_ I said into his mind. Even using mind speech, I was able to sound harsh.

"I know." He murmured. "But I won't lose you again." His voice was so fervent and sincere that it was a huge struggle to keep my angry façade up.

'_Again? You never had me in the first place servant.'_ He winced at the implication behind my words. How could a servant ever hope to be friends with a Lady, especially the King's Ward.  
"We were friends once." He said darkly. "I know we were."

I twisted my lips at his words, but decided not to deny it.

'_Once. I will not be so foolish again. Now get out.' _

"Not until you let me explain." Without waiting for her to reply, I began the story from the very beginning, from when I first came to Camelot.

Morgana was silent only for a moment when I finished speaking.

'_Despite everything he has done, you still follow him?'_ I asked mentally.

"He will be a great king. I know it Morgana. He _will _free others like us and we can live in freedom, to practice magic without fear."

'_He killed your first love!'_ I raged. No one is worth that.

"He was only protecting Camelot, he didn't know what she was." He whispered.

'_And that's good enough for you? He killed her to save Camelot, so you feel absolutely no anger at him over her death?' _My tone was accusatory.

"There have been times where I have been filled with so much rage that I was almost ready to abandon my destiny. Then I see him out in the town, looking after his people, sometimes even defending magical people from Uther and I realize why I sacrifice so much for him. He is worth it."

'_Poisoning me was worth it?'_ I was no longer angry. Instead, I felt an overwhelming sadness that he was willing to kill me for a destiny that may or may not come to be.

"No. You were the one thing that was not worth it. I guess I just convinced myself that I had no other choice, like you believe you have no other choice now. But I meant what I said Morgana. There _is _another way, we don't have to do this anymore. Come back to us." I looked into his eyes and they were so full of honesty and hope. He meant what he said. His eyes started to dim when I stayed silent. He dropped his arms.

"I won't give up on you." He promised, and then turned to leave. Before he could take a step, I grabbed his scarf and pulled him back towards me. I crashed my lips to his and didn't allow an inch to separate us. He kissed me back eagerly, his lips soft and warm. I gently tugged on his bottom lip and he opened his mouth, giving me entrance. Our kiss quickly turned more passionate and he pulled me towards me, his hand on the small of my back. His hand sent warm currents into my skin. I arched into him and he groaned. My hand slipped under his shirt and traced the slight muscles that came from being Arthur's manservant. He shivered at my touch, and I thought he was reacting negatively to my touch until his lips moved to my neck. He kissed and sucked his back down to my collarbone before following the same back up to my mouth. Desire spiked through me and caught him in the moment, I pushed him towards the bed. He obliged and took small steps back until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he fell backwards, pulling me with him. I grinned as I landed on top of him. His jacket was on the floor somewhere and his shirt soon followed it. Merlin started to work on the laces of my nightgown. The gown followed Merlin's shirt. I sat on his thighs and pinned him down. He grinned and accepted the challenge. Within moments, I was on my back with my own hands pinned above my head. I pouted. Merlin laughed and brought his hands to my ribs, tickling me mercilessly. A coughing laugh escaped me and his laughter stopped instantly. I rested my hand on his face, trying to comfort him and convey that I held no ill will towards him anymore. Tears gathered his eyes.

"I can't do this Morgana. Why should I get such joy and pleasure when I have done such a horrible thing to you?

'_I forgive you Merlin.'_ I told him sincerely, but he just shook his head.

"But I don't forgive myself. I must make this right Morgana. There has to be someone who can heal you." His mouth dropped open his head dropped onto my chest.

"I'm an idiot." He muttered. He climbed off the bed and pulled his shirt on in one smooth movement. He held my nightgown out to me and I took it hesitantly. I pouted and Merlin gave me a half-hearted smile before pulling on his jacket.

"Let's go." He said, grabbing my arm.

'_Where are we going?'_ I asked.

"There's someone you need to meet."

We stopped in a clearing a fair distance from Camelot. He pulled me against him protectively and lifted his head to the skies. Merlin let out a deafening roar and started shouting at the sky in a language I had never heard before. I frowned, if it wasn't the language of the old religion he was using then I had no idea what language was coming out of his mouth. His mouth. A slight smile rose on my face as thoughts of his mouth reminded me of our kiss earlier, which had become something more very quickly. I sighed him suddenly stopping just when things were getting really good. My body had been burning for him. I had _needed _him. Prat. Damn him and his guilt. After hearing his story and knowing everything he has gone through, and everything he has done, I couldn't hold onto my anger, no matter how hard I tried. I still held a small amount of bitterness, but I knew he was trying to help me, and is going to try and get my voice back, as impossible as it seems. That fact that he pulled away because of what he did when he was so close to taking me. I wouldn't have stopped him, and he was a man, no matter how honorable. It only proved beyond doubt that his desire to turn over a new leaf for me was true.

I stepped back in shock and let out a small squeal as a huge beast landed in front of me. A furious roar echoed around the clearing and a torrent of heat came towards us. Merlin was faster though and had an invisible shield up before the flames could reach me. The shield rippled as the fire hit it, only stopping once the dragon closed it's jaws.

"Why did you bring the Witch here Merlin?" He growled.

"Stop calling her that! I won't tell you again." He yelled and I looked at him in shock. Merlin was ordering a dragon around and he didn't look the slightest bit afraid. The dragon let out a puff of smoke from his nostrils and brought his head in front of us.

"You will not harm her!" Merlin roared, his voice once again taking on the deep growl he used to call the dragon. The dragon looked at him furiously but did not reply. He brought his face right in front of mine and I flinched but forced myself not to step back from the huge beast. His breath smelled of raw meat and it was all I could do not to gag. Like a dog, the dragon's head cocked to the side quizzically. I could see Merlin out of the corner of my eye, his hand already up to defend her if need be, despite his order for the dragon not to harm her. The Great Dragon's huge nose pressed against my forehead suddenly and I felt a rush of magic go through me, disappearing once the dragon moved his head back. I felt cold at the loss, even though it had only been there for a moment. Another puff of smoke erupted from the dragon and I waved my hand in front of my face to move it away.  
"There is a change in you Witch. You have changed the fates of everyone. I don't like it. To mess with Destiny is dangerous." He rumbled, but did not look at me with as much hatred as before. He turned back to Merlin but I still felt as if he were watching me.  
"Why have you summoned me, Young Warlock?"

"Poisoning Morgana had more far reaching consequences than I ever thought. I never intended her to die, and I always thought Morgause would be able to heal her fully from its effects. But it was not so. Morgana has lost her voice Kilgarrah, and I assumed you would know how to return it to her." He said firmly. Kilgarrah's eyes narrowed.

"You ask me to help _her?"_ He breathed incredulously.

"I do. You said so yourself. She has changed and her destiny is no longer what it once was. Helping her will not harm Camelot." He said in his defense.

"Her and her destiny have changed. That does not mean she is not dangerous." He tried.

"It makes her no more dangerous than Gwaine, Lancelot, Gwen or any other person." He argued and the dragon was silent. I was getting annoyed at them talking about me as if I weren't there and removed myself from Merlin's arms.  
_'I am still here you know.'_ I said in my mind. I knew Merlin would hear me but was unsure if a being as powerful as Kilgarrah would. It seemed it did though, as the Great Dragon turned to me.

"Unfortunately." I scowled and Merlin told the dragon off once more.

"Enough Kilgarrah." He warned and the dragon bowed his head. I knew how difficult it must be for a being such as him to bow before another.

"So be it Young Warlock. For centuries I have only seen the prophesies when the Lady Morgana would follow the path of evil. I cannot immediately forget that." He reasoned and Merlin bowed his head back.

"I understand. But you will help her?" He pleaded, I could see he was reluctant to abuse his powers any more and command the dragon to do this, unless he had to.

"I will do as you ask, but you must beware what may come of this." The dragon warned.

"I trust her." Merlin said simply, but no less fervently for the fact. The Great Dragon shifted in front of me and opened his jaw. Instead of fire escaping, this time it was merely a breath and slight shimmer within it. After a few moments he closed his mouth and Merlin looked at me hopefully. I tried to talk but only a croak came out. A look of utter despair appeared on Merlin's face.  
"What happened?" He asked the dragon suspiciously. "Why didn't you heal her?" He said angrily. The dragon did not react negatively to his tone.

"I have healed the physical damage you gave the Lady Morgana, but I feel it is not only physical damage within her. There is nothing more I can do for her now. You must find how to heal her emotional damage yourself." Without another word, the Great Dragon rose into the sky and flew away into the night.

"Wait!" Merlin shouted. "What does that mean? How do I fix her?!" He called, but the dragon was long gone.

"He always does this." Merlin muttered. He turned to me, his expression agonized.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry. I will keep trying though, I promise." He vowed, and I smiled slightly.

'_I know you will'_ I replied softly in his head. I placed a soft kiss on his lips and started pulling him along behind me.

'_Let us finish where we left off.' _I told him as I pulled him in the direction of the castle.

"No Morgana. We can't, I told you. Especially now that I couldn't hear you." I growled and shoved him against a tree and pressed my lips against his, desperate to get more of him, and to make him forget his reasons for fighting against it. My plan failed dismally though, as Merlin kissed me back, but he was restrained, going no further than that. I pulled away from him with a sigh.

'_Stay with me until we reach my chambers at least.' _I begged and Merlin agreed hesitantly.

'_This is a very bad idea.'_ He thought and I grinned wickedly. He didn't realize I was still in his head. A very bad idea indeed Merlin, for you at least.

**Many people were commenting on how short my chapters were, so this was about 3 times as long as my average chapter. It was going to be longer but I didn't want to include too much in one chapter. So that will be in the next one. I hope this was satisfactory though, and look forward to you reviews. They will make me go to school happy, which doesn't happen often, cause lets face it, school sucks. Anyways, I'm out ;)**

**~Dawn**


	14. Temptress

**I know, I know. "That Dawn, she can never update within a decent time can she?" The answer is no, I cannot, because I am hopeless with deadlines. Also, I have only just finished my first term of year 12, so I have been up to my ears in assignments and study. But still, no excuse. Read on anyway ;) I can't say how much I love all my readers, but I do. I really do. And I should be updating more now that it is holidays. **

_**M.G.B: **_**I'm sorry this chapter isn't that long, I felt that if I wrote anymore, it would just be dragging on with absolute nonsense that no one wants to read. I'm glad you liked the reveal, I always worry if that I'm not going to do it right **

_**Straight Edghe:**_** I'm glad you like the direction they are going in, because you know them, once they go in one direction, they hardly ever turn back (look at Morgana going for the throne so determinedly she goes crazy…) I love writing Kilgarrah and Morgana fighting scenes, I don't know why I like them so much, but I do **** You have given me some ideas with your remark about Morgause, although Uther had already been in my mind. I think you will enjoy this chapter btw, not saying any more than that though…**

_**Chase: **_**I'm glad you were excited about what was going to happen. Sorry about the long wait this time, I hope you weren't freaking out, thinking I had died or something… Just kidding, you were probably hoping I would die after making you wait so long for a new chapter. Hope you find this chapter as interesting as the last one **

_**NeroBlueRose: **_**That's good to know **** I'm sorry I couldn't get the chapter ass long as the last one, but it just wouldn't get that long without ruining it completely. Hope it doesn't tarnish the chapter too much for you… **

_**Lilmiss: **_**It's good to hear that you love it **** Makes the whole story worthwhile to hear people like your story. And yeah, what would the story be like without our scaly lizard friend? ;) I hope he can heal her too. Haha.**

_**MonsterJunkie: **_**Haha, me too. I'm glad you liked that little twist, but then, if the dragon healed her, that would just make things too easy, like, someone is about to die, Merlin goes to Kilgarrah and the person is magically healed. It is getting kind of old now, so I thought I would spice things up a little. I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations **

**Morgana's POV**

I had quickly made a cunning plan on the walk back, determined to have my way. Well… maybe less cunning and more desperate. As soon as we reached the door to my room, I tore it open and pushed Merlin in. He let out a small squeal and I chuckled, having to contain laughter as he landed gracelessly on the floor. He visibly gulped as I turned towards him, my intentions clear.

"Morgana…" He said warningly and I put a finger to my lips before closing the door behind me. I sauntered over and he used his hands and feet to propel himself away from me on the floor.

'_Stop acting like I have some sort of illness Merlin. Stay still!' _I was a little bit annoyed, but mostly amused at his reaction. I would convince him sooner or later, I knew he wanted this too. I could see it in his eyes. Merlin stopped moving suddenly and hung his head in shame.

"You _do_ have some sort of illness Morgana, and I caused it." He whispered. I growled, getting more irritated now. Why did he have to be so damn noble? He was ruining my mood.

'_I don't care.' _I sat on his stomach, a leg either side. A groan escaped him and I grinned in triumph.

'_See? It wouldn't be so bad to give in would it?'_ I said slyly, resting my hands on his chest. His head fell back and hit the ground harder than he intended. He winced in pain but it seemed to clear his head and he pushed himself into a seated position, making me slip into his lap.

"It would be very bad." He said breathlessly and I frowned. My lips trailed kisses up his neck and his jaw tensed.

'_Why?'_

"Because I hurt you, and because I could never ruin you that way." His voice was shaky and I grinned. I was getting to him.  
_'But you're hurting me now, by denying me something I need.' _I didn't know when I had become so bold, but I wasn't going to let it go just yet.

"Morgana, I-I can't."

'_Please?' _The words were only a soft whisper in his mind and a shiver went through him. He looked torn, and his eyes showing what he so desperately wished for, but was denying himself.

"Even if I could get past the fact that you _can't speak, _there is no chance that I am going to take your innocence. Something that should be saved for your wedding night." His voice was stronger now, his reasons giving him the willpower to lift her off of him.

'_Then don't take it. That is not the only way for us to experience pleasure." _I was a bit disappointed, but I wasn't going to complain if I got even that much from him. He bit his lip, and I could almost see the gears turning within his mind. He opened his mouth and closed it again.

'_For once, just let yourself feel Merlin. Lose control just once." _His eyes darkened and his fingers clenched. He just needed an extra nudge.

'_Please?' _Even using mind speech I sounded desperate. I shot him the most pleading look I could manage and he groaned, giving in without any more hesitation. His eyes turned dark and he pulled me against him, allowing no space between us.

I gasped as our bodies notched together. The sound only seemed to urge Merlin on though, and my gasp soon turned into a moan as his mouth ran up and down my neck, sending pleasure coursing through me. Coarse fabric creased under my fingers as they dug into his back, but still his mouth travelled lower. My skin tingled as his hands ran up my sides, hesitated at my shoulders.

"Please Merlin." I whispered huskily. He closed his eyes for a moment and I saw his whole body relax. His next move was as unexpected as it was arousing. His hands pulled my legs around his waist and he pulled us both off the ground, using a strength I hadn't known he possessed. Soft pillows sank under my head as he dropped me on the bed, pillows that also sunk his weight as I pulled him down with me. His eyes burned mine, and I kissed him desperately, determined to get everything from him that I could. There was no longer any hesitation. He was finally letting himself take what he wanted, instead of pushing away his own desires for others.

….

It seemed like a lifetime had passed as I lay next to him, his eyes burning into mine. I could have stayed there for an eternity and I wouldn't have minded in the slightest. Our legs were twined together underneath the sheets. No, we hadn't gone all the way, as much as I had wished too. Merlin was too much of a gentleman for that. He would never take my most precious gift from me unless we were wed. I scowled. We could never be married, and he knew it well. Even if Arthur allowed it when he was king, we would have to wait for years for Uther's death. The urge to get rid of Uther rose in me once more, and I squashed it. I couldn't lose Merlin again, as I surely would if I turned against them again.

A finger touched my lips and my mouth opened slightly as his thumb traced it.

"Don't frown." He murmured, smiling slightly.

_What if I want to frown? _I teased and his smile dropped.

"Why would you want to frown? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?" His voice started to rise in his panic and I placed a hand over his mouth, shutting him up instantly. He watched me warily.

_I was only teasing Merlin, _I said, smiling. _You didn't hurt me; I was frowning over something else._ I soothed. His expression became alert once more.

"And what would that be?" He said tensely. I rolled my eyes and rested my head on his chest.

_I was thinking about our future. You know we can't be together publicly but I don't want to be with anyone else. _

I looked up to see a multitude of emotions cross his face. Love, confliction, anger and frustration among them.

"When Arthur is king, we can be together without fear." He said, resolute.

_That still won't be for many years yet. Why wait?_

He knew what I meant and small smile flickered across his face.

"Nice try, but I will not take you until we are wed." His eyes burned with the strength of his vow. I pouted.

_And what if Arthur or Uther finds out about us before then? What happens then?_

"We have to be careful to make sure that doesn't happen. Even if it does, we will find a way." He promised.

_What if there isn't another way?_

"There is always another way, and if we have to, we will find it."

He was so serious and determined that I didn't want to argue with him. Instead I just smiled once more, before pressing a light kiss to his lips. This kiss was soft and chaste, unlike our other kisses, which were filled with lust and raw passion. I pulled back slowly, my eyes fluttering open to see his once again gazing into mine as if to see into my very soul. That was when he said the unexpected.

"I love you."

The shock his words brought send a wave of emotion over me, sending heat to every part of my body. Every nerve, every muscle, was filled with it's heat. What came next was even more unexpected.

"I love you too."


	15. Tempting Fate

**This doesn't make up for the late last chapter, but I made this one long-ish (for me) and I quite like it, especially the second half of it, so I hope you like it too **** Hope you all enjoy.**

_**Hanipman:**_** Sounds like something I would do but no, I did not forget the italics. Merlin cured Morgana haha.**

_**MonsterJunkie:**_** I'm sorry about the wait, I made sure to update as quickly as possible this time. I'm not going to apologise for the ending of the last chapter though, because I love my cliffhangers. And I guess you get to see what their reactions are in this chapters… well, some reactions anyway.**

_**Phhsdj:**_** Okay haha**

_**Lilmiss:**_** I didn't leave it so long this time **** And yes, she spoke! Haha**

_**Chase:**_** I'm glad you think so ;) Please don't try to excuse my lateness though, I'm grateful that you don't have too many hard feelings, but it is my fault for the late update, and I will try harder from now on **** It's nice to hear that you are enjoying it, and they will have more challenges to face yes, although I'm not sure if I am going to lengthen this story to include them. I was thinking of leaving it a little more open-ended, for the readers to finish in their own minds. And here is you not so future chapter **

_**Straight Edghe:**_** Your name always trips me out haha. I tried to make the last chapter quite steamy but not too steamy, as this is only a T rated story, so I'm glad you liked it. I tried to make Merlin not too out of character, thus why he was restrained and hesitant when it came to Morgana. I'll see what I can do about you hope ;)**

**Merlin's POV**

It didn't click at first.

I smiled softly for a second, half asleep now and so used to her speaking in my head that I didn't realize what had just happened. Then it all came crashing down. I shot up and stared at her, and she raised an eyebrow at me.

"What?" She asked, sounding both self conscious and annoyed. I let out a disbelieving laugh and she froze. Her eyes became as wide as dinner plates and a hand covered her mouth. A hand went out to steady herself and she swallowed.

"Did I-" A sound escaped her as she inhaled, her smile becoming wide.

"You can talk." I exclaimed breathlessly, my smile echoing hers.

"Yes." Her voice was weak and croaky, but it was there. Emerald eyes gazed into the distance for a moment before turning to me. Her skin glowed and her eyes danced. I wrapped my arms tight around her, afraid that if I let her go, I would realize that none of this was real and she would be mute again. I pulled from her finally.

"Come Morgana, we have to go see Gaius." The spark in her eyes faded a little and I immediately felt bad, but I wasn't going to risk her health over the fact. My resolve wavered for a moment though, when she pounced on me, straddling my hips and resting her hands on my chest.

"I have a better idea." Her voice was seductive, and I groaned. Grabbing her wrists before she could move any further, I closed my eyes to avoid the temptation of her body.

"We can't Morgana." I ground out and leaned her face closer to mine to whisper right next to my ear.

"And why is that?" She purred.

"I already told you." I scolded. She leaned back angrily, her voice showing her frustration.

"You told me you wouldn't take me because it was your fault I couldn't talk. Well guess what Merlin? I'm talking. What is your excuse now?" She hissed. I sighed; we were back to fighting and arguing once again.

"I won't dishonor you. I won't ruin your name, and you will remain chaste until your wedding night, as is right." I tried to hide my arousal, and disguise just how much I wanted her right now. That would not make this any easier. She rolled off me and I was caught between sighing in relief and huffing in disappointment.

"Stupid, over-honorable fool." She spat, rolling out of bed. My whole body tensed as I caught sight of her almost transparent nightgown. I had been a little distracted before to notice what she was wearing. Now it was all I could think about. But I would not give into her, not when it was her honor at stake.

* * *

"Gaius!" I called, walking into his chambers, Morgana dragging her feet behind me. Gaius groaned and pushed himself slowly out of bed; making me wince at how difficult it looked. His bleary gaze turned to us, one furry eyebrow raised in disapproval at the state we were in, and at such a late hour. My shirt was rumpled and my neckerchief hastily tied, while Morgana wore nothing but a thin gown over her nightclothes. A blush made it's way onto my face, and I started speaking before he could comment.

"She can speak." His expression instantly changed into one of surprise, but his years of experience soon kicked in.

"Sit on the bench, I need to make sure there is no long lasting effects." He ordered. We looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Morgana asked, and I was impressed when Gaius didn't even flinch. Morgana's voice was clipped and angry, and I sent her a disapproving frown, as if to tell her to be nice.

_He lied to me about my powers for years. No one was telling him to do it, and he hasn't apologized, as you did. _

Morgana's defended her tone in my mind, and my gaze softened.

_You should still be nice. He was only trying to do what he thought was best. _I countered.

_Is that what he told you when you poisoned me? _She retorted, and I fell silent instantly, only confirming her words.

"I need to make sure your voice won't suddenly disappear again." Gaius exclaimed, and it took me a moment to realize he was replying to Morgana's spoken question, not hearing our mental conversation.

"It won't" She replied, her voice still sharp, but slightly softer than before. Despite her words, she sat on the bench and stared Gaius in the eye. Without a word, Gaius stood in front of her and pressed fingers to her neck, checking for any swelling or rashes that could foreshadow the return of her illness.

"Open." He said kindly, holding a flat piece of wood. Morgana opened her mouth, allowing Gaius to use the wood to hold down her tongue and check her throat. My skin warmed as I looked at her parted lips, and her gaze flickered to mine, her eyes dark to match mine. Our gaze broke as Gaius stepped away from her, and grabbed a vial off the shelf.

"There doesn't seem to be any lasting damage. Odd." He mused.

"We went to see Kilgarrah." I blurted out. Gaius looked torn between amusement and surprise.

"Are you sure that was wise?"

"What else was I to do? It was my fault she couldn't speak, and you couldn't help her!" I exclaimed, my voice rising. Gaius put a hand on my shoulder and I calmed visibly.

"What did the dragon say?" He asked, obviously holding off the lectures until later.

"He healed her physically, but she still couldn't speak. He told me that after being healed, she still couldn't speak because of emotional trauma. That was my fault too." I breathed, ashamed. It was my fault she was filled with so much trauma that she couldn't speak after being healed by a dragon. Gaius looked at me in confusion.

"Then why is she speaking now?" He asked.

"I was hoping you could tell me that." I relied sheepishly. Gaius sighed and his eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"The only explanation I can think of is that something happened to reverse the emotional trauma. Reversing the negative shock with a positive one, so to speak. Any idea what that could be?" His tone was filled with humour, and I blushed as I realized what he was implying. I ignored the implications though, as I thought about what could have caused the change. That was when Morgana, quiet until now, came up behind me.

"He told me he loved me. That certainly came as a shock." I could hear the smirk in her voice, even though I couldn't see her. Gaius raised an eyebrow at me.

_And why does that surprise you? Surely you would have known before then, since I could never keep my eyes off of you, and I turned into a bumbling idiot whenever I tried to talk to you. _I said into her mind, teasing but curious at the same time.

_I guessed it was a crush, nothing more. I never knew you felt the same. _She replied into my own mind, her tone serious.

_And yet you still let me take liberties with your person? _I asked skeptically.

_I want what I want. _She said, unashamed. I jumped as I felt her cool fingers slip under the back of my shirt and touch the skin there. I knew Gaius couldn't see what she was doing, but I had to hide a blush all the same.

"Merlin?" Gaius replied, startling me out of my internal conversation with Morgana. I realized he had asked me something and was waiting for me to reply.

"Uh, what? Sorry, I didn't hear you." I ducked my head abashedly. Gaius shook his head as if he knew exactly why I didn't hear him.

"I said, you do realize that Uther will have your head if he finds out about you two?" He said, his face and tone showing his frustration and fear.

"I know." I whisper.

"I would never tell Uther." Morgana vowed, her voice ringing with the truth of her words. Gaius turned to her.

"But is it worth risking Merlin's life?" He asked her.

"Yes." I said, responding when she hesitated. "I would rather die than be separated from her again."

* * *

**Kilgarrah's POV**

Scratching sounds echo around the cave as I settle myself on the rocky floor. A breath escapes me as the events of the day pass through me. I know it is only a matter of time before Merlin heals the Witch, if he hasn't already. Even know I can feel destiny shifting and it is not comforting in the slightest. Visions of the future of Albion shift continuously in my mind, constantly changing.

…

_Screams can be heard around the city, from evil and innocent alike. The buildings of Camelot lay in ruins, just one among the many that were destroyed in the Witch's hunt for revenge. Her eyes are haunted with the madness that consumes her, and everyone she passes cowers in fear. _

_A thrust of the wicked blade and the Golden King lies before her, eyes fading as he takes his last breath. His closest friend and servant dies beside his king, seeing no point in trying to preserve his own life when his friend – his destiny lies dead._

…

_Laughs echoes around the clearing as a group of little blonde and black haired children exit the trees, squealing as the run away from one another. _

"_Balinor! Vivienne! Come here now!" A woman walks gracefully into the clearing, hands lifting in the air, the magic within them bringing the children up as well, and as her hands move so do the children until they are sitting morosely by her feet.." She rolls her eyes and smiles indulgently at her children. Her eyes close as she feels warm arms wrap around her, her husband kissing her neck._

"_Hello Merlin." She leans on her toes to kiss him, and his arms make their way around her waist, pulling her closer._

"_Morgana." He murmurs against her lips.  
Just then, a very red-faced king bursts into the clearing, huffing and puffing as he tries to catch his own children._

"_I'm going to get you Tom." He huffs at his oldest and the younger child giggles. "You too Igraine." He says, turning to her. They just laugh at him and jump on top, taking advantage of his weakness to push him to the ground. The woman grins at the sight, and knees in front of her own children.  
"Why don't you go join them?" She suggests and their expressions brighten, not giving her a chance to change her mind before they join their cousins in jumping on their Uncle Arthur._

…

_A dark shadow passes over the land, bringing death and destruction in its wake. At the center of the darkness is a single figure, shrouded in a dark cloak, dark magic pouring from their fingertips. The vision zooms in, and you can see the figure, their face as cold as stone, and eyes like the deepest pits of hell. Morgana Le Fay. _

…

_The land flourished and crops are plentiful. There is no fear of war, no fear of persecution for something you can't control. Nations are at peace, every country united under one banner. The sign of Albion. The aid of both the Warlock and the Witch working together to form a Golden Age that would last for centuries to come._

…

I close my eyes. Merlin has indeed changed destiny, and although it may be for the better, it may also be for the worse, It may result everything I have spend decades trying to make, going up in flames as surely as a log beneath my firey breath. Even so, the Warlock will not give up on the Witch again, and while the Witch remains true, I will help fight for the bright future that may still come to pass.


	16. Caught Out Again

_**phhsdj: **_**Okay. ;)**

_**sjritts: **_**That's good. I'm glad you're liking it now.****  
**

_**MonsterJunkie:**_** Always nice to hear from you :) I'm glad you liked the chapter, and the cliffhanger. (secretly, I love them too. Both reading and writing them) I agree about it being a requirement to complain about them. Where would the writers get their wicked joy from if not laughing at the reader's misfortune of having yet another cliffhanger. I know it isn't great update time this time, but the story is almost finished, so you won't have to worry about it too much longer.**

_**Straight Edghe:**_** I'm glad you liked the teasing, because I love writing it. And if he wasn't honourable, he wouldn't be Merlin! The driving each other insane because of it is only a bonus ;) I still get a kick out of your name, but I am now able to spell it without double checking the spelling at least 5 times. I actually totally forgot about the vision, thanks for reminding me ;)**

**Arthur's Pov**

Three light knocks came from the door, which opened not two seconds later. I frowned from my position behind the changing screen.  
"Merlin, it defeats the purpose of knocking if you enter before I tell you to." I grumbled, my voice muffled from the shirt I was currently trying –and failing – to pull over my head.

"Little help?" I complained. "You are my manservant after all." I heard him walk up behind me and pulled the shirt down. I turned to look at him but he had retreated before I could. He was so quiet, which was unlike him.

"I have to admit that I am surprised you are even here, with all the time you have spent with Morgana." I accused, trying to get a reaction out of him. Still nothing.

"I know you are glad to see her back, but it's starting to get out of hand. I've told you before, nothing can come out of your feelings for Morgana." My voice came out sad, as I thought of my similar position with Gwen. When I still didn't get a reply, I huffed in mock annoyance. I wasn't worried that I had upset him. Not at all.

"Merlin?" I walked out from behind the screen and let out a small shriek, which I artfully covered with a cough.

"Morgana!" I exclaimed. She was leaning against the bedpost, an eyebrow raised and a light smirk resting on her lips. My face went a bright red as I realized she was the one I had been talking to the whole time, and I had just spilled Merlin's feelings to her. I was a terrible person. With my thoughts in turmoil, I spoke without thinking.

"What are you doing here? Where's Merlin?" I closed my eyes immediately, chagrined. She can't answer my questions.

"I came to see my baby brother, and I assume Merlin is with Gaius, not me as you seem to think." She said. Her voice was weak, but it was there. I swear in that moment that my jaw hit the floor. My body quickly followed as everything went black.

* * *

**Morgana's Pov**

I waited a few more minutes before he came to, moving to sit on the bed with my feet underneath me. A groan came from the waking body on the ground and I chuckled at the sight.

"It's not bedtime yet Arthur. Merlin isn't here to tuck you in." I mocked, sitting completely still. Arthur glared at me.

"Merlin does _not _tuck me in." He said stiffly, before a sly grin crossed his face. "Although I know that he wants to tuck _you _in" I just laughed, and ignored the burning feeling that went through me at the implication of his words.

"Who says he doesn't?" I said cheekily, and Arthur's eyes widened. His face went red and it looked like he had something caught in his throat, stopping him from talking.

"He…you…tuck…bed…what?" He spluttered, before his lips tightened. "I'm going to kill him." He growled and started stomping towards the door. Oops.

"Arthur! Stop, I'm joking. I can't believe you fell for that." I said with a fake laugh, eternally grateful for the recent practice I have at lying. The redness started to recede from his face and he looked sheepish.

"Of course. I knew that… I was just testing you." He let out an unconvincing laugh and rubbed the back of his head. I just cocked my head to the side and stared at him.

"Uh huh. Sure." I said with a light laugh.

"I did!" He stammered. Then his expression turned curious. "So, why are you here anyway?" He asked, obviously avoiding the subject. I decided to let him off the hook…for now.

"I thought you would want to hear the good news. Also, I wanted to see if you would go for a ride with me later. It's been too long." The last part was said softly. Arthur's expression immediately softened.

"Of course. Anytime." He agreed.

"Great!" I said with exaggerated enthusiasm, trying to lighten the mood again. I walked towards the door but Arthur stopped me with a hand on my arm. He looked at the ground and shuffled his feet.

"Uh, you won't tell Merlin will you? About what I said before?" He begged. I had to hold in my laughter.

"About his feelings for me?" I asked.

"Yes." He mumbled. "Well, at least it is only him that has feelings for you. I would hate to have to break him for being in a relationship with my foster sister." He joked.

"Why would that be so horrible?" I huffed, annoyed. Arthur missed the tone in my voice.

"Well, you're a royal, and he's my manservant…" He said as if it were obvious, although his tone had gone sad again.

"So? Status should have no effect on who we choose to be with. It's wrong." I said vehemently. Arthur definitely caught my tone this time, and looked at me suspiciously. Double oops. I could see the gears turning in Arthur's head for a moment, then his eyes widened and then narrowed.

"I'm going to kill him."


	17. Double Oops

**Woo! Long chapter!**

**_monkeymail:_ Well, he's gonna know it soon ;) Yeah, I don't know what the fascination is with making Arthur faint, but I have done it in a few of my stories now... hehehe. This one is a little longer and not so sweet, but I hope you like it anyway :)**

**_Straight Edge:_ Arthur? Go easy on Merlin? You're trippin dude. haha, hope you enjoy the chapter :)**

**Merlin's Pov**

The vile looking liquid made my lip curl as I stared the concoction for Gaius, who was making dinner on the other side of the room. I would make sure the liquid-ish potion was kept far away from the food. It was going nowhere near what I was eating.

"Tell me again what this is for?" I asked him distastefully. Gaius looked at me with amusement.

"For hangovers." He exclaimed with a gleam. I frowned at the mixture then looked at him again.

"I think I would prefer the hangover, to be honest."

"Well that's easy enough to say when you are perfectly fine and not suffering from a pounding headache and sickening nausea. People who do usually don't ask questions or even look at the remedy. It's down before they can say 'vile'." He laughed at his own wit. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you say Gaius." My tone was disbelieving. I got a whiff of our dinner and my stomach rumbled.

"You didn't get any bread." Gaius grumbled. "You stay here while I go get some from the market. Make sure the soup doesn't burn." He warned before shuffling out the door. He had barely been gone a minute before the door flew backwards and Arthur was in my face, grasping my shirt below my neck. I could feel my eyes bugging out of my head as he glared at me.

"Morgana. Don't lie to me Merlin. You are in a relationship with _Morgana? My_ foster sister?" His expression was furious but I could sense hurt in his eyes as well.

"I…" I trailed off, not knowing how to respond. He obviously knew the truth, and if I lied, he would kill me, but if I didn't, then Morgana would hate me. Although Arthur would probably kill me either way.

"I-" I began again, when the choice was taken from me.

"Arthur! Put him down!" Morgana voice scolded him, and her voice had never sounded more beautiful. If anything, Arthur only got madder.

"No." He turned to me. "You are supposed to be my servant, and you deflowered my sister?" He asked, more hurt coming through. I looked at him in confusion, then turned to Morgana, wondering what she had been telling him. I never deflowered her, despite getting so close. I could feel myself starting to burn as I remembered that night, but Arthur's presence stifled it somewhat.

"He didn't deflower me you clotpole!" Morgana growled, walking behind Arthur and trying to pull him away from me. "Now put him down before I make you."

Arthur's red face faded somewhat, his anger and hurt changing to embarrassment.

"So you say." He said, still suspicious. Morgana ducked under his arms, forcing him to let me go. She shoved him the chest and he took a step back, before slipping on the hangover remedy that had crashed to the floor after he attacked me. A loud thump echoed around the room as Arthur landed on his backside, utterly humiliated with Morgana standing over him, hands on her hips.

"So you're saying that I must be sleeping with Merlin to be in a relationship with him? The nerve of you little brother!" I grinned at Morgana, her powerful stance making her even more beautiful and alluring. My eyes softened slightly at them. Even in their current state, they were calling themselves siblings, as they felt like they were.

Arthur stood up, turning defensive and blustering now, trying to defend his pride.

"Well, why else would he be with you? You're too annoying for any man to love!" Morgana faltered, stepping back. Deep hurt crossed her expression, which she tried unsuccessfully to cover with anger. I looked at Arthur furiously. I was about to say something when Morgana spoke into my mind.

_Don't._

She smirked slyly at Arthur, and stepped back so her back was resting against my chest. My body reacted as it always did in her presence and I blushed, hoping she wouldn't notice.

_Am I imagining things, or are you just happy to see me? _Morgana said into my mind. I ducked my head, ashamed of myself. Instead of moving away, she turned so we were standing chest to chest. I had to stop a groan escaping me in Arthur's presence. Morgana shifted our positions so Arthur could see both of us clearly.

"Oh, I don't know about that Arthur. You love me, don't you Merlin?" She said seductively. Normally I would be hesitant to be a pawn in their constant rivalry, but this time Arthur had gone too far. I glared at Arthur, before turning to Morgana and softening my expression.

"Of course." I murmured, loud enough for Arthur to hear. I stared into Morgana's eyes "Always." Her smile was brilliant, and totally forgot about Arthur as I stared at her. She was stunning, how I got someone like her, I will never know. She leant forward and captured my lips, arching into me when I responded. I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her even closer, if that was possible. A fake gagging sound broke me from my trance, and Morgana pulled back to look at Arthur in annoyance. He looked at me angrily, and at the two of us in disgust.

"I didn't need to see that." He muttered. Morgana rolled her eyes at his antics and swayed over to him, causing my eyes to be drawn to her hips. She crouched down next to Arthur. Her eyes shined with a wicked glint and I could see her fighting to control her expression.

"You were right in part though brother, I did try to get him to come to my bed, but he was too much of a bloody gentleman to actually do it." Her tone was slightly annoyed, and Arthur was looking slightly green.

"You see Arthur, he is probably the gentlest soul I have ever met, and you should be happy that it is him I wish to be with. He will take care of me, as many men would not." Any anger or suspicion left in Arthur's expression was gone, leaving only shame and some hurt.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, looking at me. I looked at him incredulously, staring at the mess he had made in the room, and my bunched up shirt from where he had grabbed me.

"Point taken." He muttered.

"Arthur, you are the king's son. He would have Merlin's head." Morgana said simply, softening her tone for Arthur, although her eyes burned fire for Uther and his prejudices.

Arthur eyes shut and his body went slack. He look at me. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again.

"I'm sorry Merlin, and you Morgana." He said so fast that he wasn't able to change his mind. I grinned at Morgana but decided not to mock Arthur for apologizing for once in his life.

"I forgive you, I can't speak for Merlin though." Morgana told him. Arthur looked at me pleadingly. It made me happy to see that he genuinely wanted my forgiveness, not that I would tell him that. I pursed my lips, pretending to think.

"Fine, I'll forgive you." I began, and Arthur's face lit up. "On one condition…" His face soured again.

"And what would that be?" He huffed.

"A day off?" I said, no hope in voice at all. Arthur looked at me like I was crazy.

"Fine." He agreed, and I looked at him disbelievingly at his easy acceptance.

"Seriously." He addressed both of us now. "I went too far." He said softly. He pulled himself off the floor. "And don't worry, I have no intention of telling my father, despite what you too seem to think." He said, obviously still offended and hurt.

"Thank you Arthur." Morgana and I said at the same time. Arthur did a double take and started walking to the door.

"Now that's just creepy." He muttered to himself. Morgana smiled at me and pressed a light kiss to my lips. I allowed it, then pulled away.  
"I need to talk to Arthur. I'll be back in a minute." I whispered before slipping out of her grasp. She pouted at me, but allowed me to pull away.

"Fine." I smiled at her expression and planted another quick kiss to her lips, moving away before she could get any ideas.

"Arthur!" I called, jogging out the door to catch up to him. He stopped in front of me and I had the breath knocked out of me from colliding with his back.

"Yes?" He said, arching an eyebrow.

"I won't hurt her." I vowed. Arthur smiled.

"I know."

"I really do love her. More than anything." I whispered. Arthur's hand rested on my shoulder and I looked at him in surprise.

"I believe you." He said, and then walked away.

* * *

Morgana was waiting on the table when I returned, her legs crossed femininely and resting on the bench next to the table. My breath caught and Morgana smiled, obviously enjoying the reaction she was getting.

"Close your mouth Merlin, you don't want to catch flies." She teased. I realized that my mouth had indeed been hanging open, and snapped it shut immediately.

"Stop reacting like this, you see her everyday." I chastised myself quietly, picking up a mop to distract myself.

I had just finished mopping up the mess when I felt Morgana's warm body press into my back. I groaned.

"Morgana," I managed. "Gaius will be back any minute." I breathed, struggling against desire and reason. Morgana sighed and stepped back.

"Where was he?" She asked curiously.

"Getting bread for…dinner…damn." I muttered, rushing over to the soup pot.

"What happened?" Morgana asked. I dragged the spoon through the soup and cursed, some of the soup had burnt to the bottom of the pot. I checked to make sure that Gaius wasn't back yet, and then with a few words and a flash of golden eyes, the soup was perfect again. I returned to sit on the chair below Morgana, who had returned to her previous position on the table. I gulped as I tried not to look at her smooth leg, resting so close to me. My body roared to life as she shuffled closer to me, her leg now resting against my cheek.

"Cheeky minx." I mumbled, closing my eyes. A shuffling sound notified me that Morgana had moved and I could feel her warmth next to mine. When my eyes opened, she was leaning forwards, her eyes blazing and her face close to mine. Her closeness lured me in, and before I could think about what I was doing, I kissed her chastely. The kiss rapidly became more passionate, and I lifted Morgana so she was straddling my lap, her long dress riding up to her hips, my hand had just started to creep up her side when the door opened again.

"Merlin! What do you think you're doing?" Gaius' loud voice made me jump back in shock. Morgana fell off my lap, not falling due to me catching her at the last second. She smiled at me, but winced when Gaius spoke again.

"Explain." He said sternly.  
"I-uh-i-we…" I stuttered, growing even more nervous under Gaius' unimpressed gaze. Luckily Morgana was more versed in the art of manipulation than I was.

"Merlin and I are courting." She said calmly, a tone that was hilarious compared to the state of her hair and dress.

"I would hope you were courting, after what I just walked in on!" Gaius said angrily. He rounded on me, putting a finger in my face.

"How stupid can you be? What if it had been someone else who had walked in here and saw that? One word to the king and you will be without a head!" He yelled. I stood in front of Morgana, allowing her to settle her appearance while I confronted Gaius.

"I know Gaius, I'm sorry. It won't happen again." I sent him the puppy dog look that he could never stay mad at, pleading with him to let me off the hook.

"Stop that." He hissed, but his face softened, as I knew it would. "I can't lose you Merlin. You're like a son to me." His face crumpled and I immediately felt bad for worrying him.

"I mean it Gaius. We will be more careful and we won't get caught. It's not just my life at stake; Morgana's reputation is as well. You know I would never risk that." I murmured. I deflated as I thought about what I had said. If Morgana was known to be courting me, all the ladies and lords would scorn her, and as much as I hated the idea, if she ever decided to end our relationship, she would need her reputation to get her a wealthy husband who could give her the lifestyle I never could. Gaius must have seen something in my gaze and he didn't push the matter any further.

"You had better not." He said half-heartedly before returning to the now re-burnt soup.

I turned to Morgana and saw silent tears coming from her eyes. I brushed them away gently and pulled her towards me.

_We need to talk. Meet me in my chambers later. _She said in her mind-speech before sweeping out the door with her dress trailing behind her. I got a sense of déjà vu, the sight reminding me of that night over a year ago, when I turned her away when she needed me the most. I would not do that this time. Whatever she was upset about, I would help her.

**This story is set during early season 3-ish, meaning Arthur and Morgana only think and refer to each other as brother and sister because they are so close, they don't actually know that they are related. **


	18. A Million Pieces

**Short chapter, but I needed this confrontation but felt like it should end where it did. Drama and all ;)**

_**MonsteJunkie: I'm glad you liked it. This chapter is a little shorter but I hope you like it all the same.**_

**Morgana's Pov**  
"Morgana." He huffed out, still breathless from running to my room. I was was sitting cross legged on my bed, head drooped, so different to my usual proud exterior. Looking up at his voice, fresh tears formed in my eyes.

"Merlin." I breathed. He walked the few steps to stand at my side, crouching down on the bed and pulling me into his arms.

"Shh, what's wrong?" He asked soothingly. I could feel my warm tears soaking my shirt, but it only made me hold him all the tighter.

"Gaius." I sobbed, ashamed of my tears but not able to stop.

"What about him?" Merlin asked, instantly alert.

"He's right." I mumbled into his shirt. I pulled back so I could look him in the eyes.

"What do you mean?" A sick feeling rose in my stomach as I thought about all the danger our relationship was putting Merlin in.

"I don't want you to get hurt." I whispered. My voice was faint, but he recoiled at my words as if I had shouted them. I felt my own words send another blow to my gut and I struggled to breathe.

"No Morgana, he's wrong." He said, his voice pleading. I could feel my heart breaking at the anguish in his face and voice, but if this is what it would take to keep him safe, then so be it.

"No, he's not. Every time you're with me, you are in danger, and we have been caught too many times to think we can get away with it." I pulled away from him, retreating to lean against the headboard. If I stayed near him any longer, I feared that I would never be able to let him go.

"We were careless." He admitted frantically. "But we will be careful from now on." He promised. I shook my head, drawing my knees up to my chest.

"No Merlin. No matter how careful we are, one day, we will get caught. I will not see you executed because of me. I will not see you executed at all." I vowed, looking at him determinedly. Merlin started shaking his head, tears building in his eyes.

"No, no, no. No, you can't do this." His gaze burned into mine. "I won't let you do this." He seemed determined to stand by his words. I couldn't let this happen, but he wasn't going to let me go for his own sake. I knew what I had to do, and I hated myself for it.

"You will, because it is not only your life at stake. You know this can't last Merlin, and when we get found out-" He looked ready to argue and I held up a hand to stop him. "When we get found out, there will be no man who will take me for a wife. No-one wants a woman who has fraternised with a servant, especially if they all think you have bedded me." Every word burnt my throat, and still I forced them out, knowing that it was what I had to do.

"But I haven't." He cried. I placed a hand on his cheek.

"But it is only us that believe that. Even Arthur only just believed us, and he trusts both of us more than any other." He melted into my hand and I felt myself softening. I needed to end this before I changed my mind.

"You can't, you can't." He muttered over and over. I tensed as I prepared to deliver the final blow.

"I don't want to be with you Merlin. I have no future with you." My voice was dead, the only way I could make the lie believable. Merlin's face shut down, eyes fading and skin paling.

"I should have known I could never be good enough for you. After all, I am a servant." The words sounded almost insulting, except his tone said how much he believed his own words. He believed he wasn't good enough. I wanted so badly to comfort him, but I couldn't. So I said nothing as my heart shattered into a million pieces.


	19. Broken

**This was actually really hard to write, so I'm sorry if it was terrible **

**I feel like Merlin and Morgana's situation would be harder than Gwen and Arthur's, simply because Arthur is a male born into his station, and Morgana is a woman who was given it. I hate the whole idea, and yet Arthur really gets to choose whoever he wants to marry, it may not give him a powerful image, but who's going to tell the King that he can't marry the girl he loves? Morgana is the opposite. She is only the King's Ward, and when Uther dies, she won't have that title, and kind of needs to be married to keep her life of luxury, and being seen to fraternize with servants would lower her desirability amongst potential suitors. While this doesn't matter to her so much, it does to Merlin, which is why he accepts it without question.  
**

_**Monster Junkie: **_**Haha that's good to hear. I like making people feel special ;) I'm sorry I couldn't do it again, but I got more reviews for the last chapter, so… Yeah, I have noticed how one of them always ends it, but I can't help putting my own in. I don't feel like everything should be sunshine and rainbows so quickly, and having everything turn out perfect when their stations are so different isn't realistic (although most of my story isn't, but still) It's another short chapter, but I've started the next one so it should hopefully be up in a few days. Please don't kill me :L**

_**Timelord-In-Camelot: **_**I felt exactly the same as I was writing the chapter and yet I did it anyway…what? I'm happy that you thought it was good, and believable. Plus both Merlin and Morgana are impulsive, so you were right about them most likely getting caught. (I mean come on, Gaius and Arthur in one day?) I'm sorry about the slow update, but I have another one in progress, so that will hopefully be up soon **

_**MICKEY.G.B: **_**I don't actually know. Maybe I'm just a naturally vindictive person? POOR MERLIN!**

_**Merlinisawesomeful: **_**Ah, hello there awesome poem writer, it's good to hear from you, and to have you reading my story. I'm glad you liked it **

_**Straight Edghe: **_**It's been too long since I've had to spell your name and it's tripping me out again haha. Yeah, even in the show, I've found that Gaius and Kilgarrah ALWAYS have to mess things up. Yet who would have picked Arthur to be on their side? Snuck that one in there to surprise you ;) I know it's depressing, but I can't help it! I'm sorry, please don't eat me :L I sort of answered the rest of your review at the top of this author's note, I think…**

_**Phhsdj: **_**Yes, it is sad. Sorry.**

**Merlin's Pov**

Numb. That was all I felt.

I have to admit, I was probably doing my job better than I have ever done in the past, but that's simply because I hope it will stop me thinking about her. But no amount of cleaning, or cooking, or saddling can stop me from thinking about her and what I've lost. It can't stop me thinking about her pale green eyes and red lips. More than anything, I couldn't forget her voice, her laugh and how soft her skin was under my touch.

The shield I was scrubbing already gleamed but I had run out of other jobs to do. I had even taken on some of the other servant' jobs to keep myself busy.

"Are you done with that yet?" Arthur said from where he was standing by the bed. I looked down at the shield that was so shiny it could make a man go blind.

"Uh, yeah." I muttered and handed it to him. He looked at me oddly and I gave him the most innocent expression I could muster. He sighed and threw a pillow at me. I didn't even flinch as it hit my head and Arthur frowned.

"Spit it out." He ordered. I turned away from him so he would see the pain in my expression.

"I don't know what you're talking about." My voice was dead, and it even made _me_ uncomfortable.

"Come on Merlin, it hasn't been that long since you saw Morgana, so will you get that kicked puppy expression off your face, because I don't want to think about the two of you too together." He gave a fake shiver, trying to lighten the mood. My heart sunk even more.

"You don't need to worry about that anymore." I stood up and turned to him.

"Merlin-" He began, but I cut him off before he could ask anymore questions.

"Will that be all sire?" I said stiffly. Arthur looked ready to argue but obviously decided now wasn't the right time.

"Yes. You may go." He relented, and I rushed out of the door before he could change his mind. The hallways were deserted when I exited, and I let out a breath of relief. I didn't want to keep up a pretense. I was just…tired.

As soon as I turned the corner thought, the act was up again. This must be karma trying to pay me back at this exact moment, as Gwen walked towards me. She was one of the last people I wanted to see at the moment. Even looking at Gwen reminded me of Morgana. I fought down a curse.

"Hi Merlin!" She called, making her way to me.

"Hey Gwen." I said, trying to fake an enthusiasm I didn't feel. Her expression dropped.

"What's wrong?" She asked instantly. That's another reason I didn't want to see Gwen. She was too perceptive. She saw through my act instantly.

"Nothing!" I tried, knowing she wouldn't believe me.

"Merlin, you can tell me." She coaxed, her voice soft. I shook my head, walking around her.

"It's nothing Gwen." I tried to escape but she pulled me back, forcing me to stay wit her strong grip on my arm. I frowned at her; this was so out of character for Gwen. She was normally so sweet and meek and now she was almost…pushy.

"I'll find out by myself then." She said grumpily. I looked down guiltily. There had been a time that I would have told her anything (apart from my secret of course), and now we had only secrets between us. The closeness we once had was drifting away, and looking back, I realized it had been doing so even before I started courting Morgana. I flinched again and grumbled to myself. I would have to get over this soon, or I wasn't going to be the only one suffering. Yet, deep in myself, I knew I would never be able to let go. I glanced at Gwen again to find her staring at me, her gaze boring into mine as she tried to figure me out. I gave her a forced smile, and promised that I would spend more time with her, and try and get back the close friendship we used to have.

"It's about Morgana isn't it?" She probed gently. I looked at her in shock, unsettled by her perceptiveness. I tried to cover my surprise with a blank façade.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I muttered unconvincingly. Gwen rolled her eyes at me and crossed her arms. I don't know how it was possible, but her expression was kind but stern at the same time.

"Come now Merlin, I'm not stupid. You left your scarf in her chambers a few weeks ago." My eyes widened in horror and I clapped my hand over her mouth, trying to silence her claims. As if realizing her mistake, her own faced became horrified and she wrung her hands together. At that moment, a guard walked past, looking at us oddly. I suppose we looked quite a sight, my hands clapped over Gwen's mouth, both our expression filled with fear.

"Is everything alright here?" He asked gruffly, looking at me distrustfully. I lowered my hand to try and alleviate his suspicions and Gwen gave him a bright smile.

"Everything's fine, Merlin just doesn't want anyone to know he wets the bed…" Then realizing that her lies probably weren't going to help my love life, she stammered, "I mean, he doesn't want anyone to know that Gaius wets the bed…" She started to ramble and this time it was the guard that covered her mouth, she jerked away and glared at him. He lowered his hand instantly, his expression chagrined.

"Sorry." He muttered, obviously wanting to get away from the rambling girl and his own embarrassment. "I'll leave you to it." With that, he hurried off in the same direction that he came in. We watched him go, and for the first time since Morgana ended things between us, I felt stirrings of humour.

"How long until he realizes he came this way for a reason, and needs to come back, do you think?" I asked rhetorically. She didn't answer my question, instead returning to our previous conversation.

"Now I don't what happened between you too, but either you talk to her, or I will." Gwen threatened. I shook my head in panic, my eyes pleading.

"You can't! Please Gwen, things are hard enough as it is, her refusing will only make it harder. Please, don't do this. Please." I was going to keep begging, but Gwen stopped me.

"Shut up Merlin. What did you do for her to turn you away? If I know that, maybe I can help convince her that she's wrong." She reasoned, and it only made my heart go cold again.

"That's the thing." I said numbly. "I didn't do anything. I was born a servant. That's the only reason why we can't be together." Already the numbness was breaking down again, and I was fighting hard to keep it up.

"That's stupid. That is not the Morgana I know, she would never judge a person on their station." She replied, defending her mistress wholeheartedly.

"I know she wouldn't, but that doesn't mean she can be with someone of a lower station than her. If someone found out, no wealthy man would want to marry her, and she won't be the King's Ward forever. I am not good enough for her, and there is no way to change that Gwen, so please, just leave me be." II felt as if the weight on my shoulders multiplied tenfold as I walked away.

"There is someone not right about this. She's hiding something Merlin, and I'm going to find out what it is!" She shouted after me, but I barely heard her. All I heard was Morgana's words to me, replaying over and over in my mind.

"_I don't want to be with you Merlin. I have no future with you."_


	20. You Still Love Me

**Only two reviews for the last chapter, but that's understandable due to the quality and the late update time. Hopefully this one is better. I really like this chapter AND it's my longest one yet **** So enjoy, and don't forget to review!**

_**Timelord-In-Camelot: **_**Thank you for your support. I'm glad you liked it, I really wasn't sure about that chapter **** Here's your next chapter with plenty more dialogue for you ;)**

_**Monster Junkie: **_**haha plenty of angst in this chapter, don't you worry. It was a harsh last line, but what is harsher is Uther chopping off Merlin's head, which is why she felt the break was necessary. I have used a very clichéd idea to try and fix it, (can you guess what it is yet?) but I added some of my own ideas and I thought they worked =P Gwen is certainly trying to do something, you will have to read to find out whether it worked or not. Thanks for your review!**

**Morgana's Pov**

"Morgana." I heard Gwen's voice drifting through the door and quickly pulled myself together, wiping the single tear off my face, and sitting up straight, as a lady must.

"Hello Gwen." I said hollowly as she came to stand behind me. I could see her watching me and turned to the mirror, making sure there was no evidence of my previous state. Seeing nothing, I tried for humour.  
"What? Is there something on my face?" I said lightly. Gwen didn't reply, just looked at me some more. When I couldn't stand her gaze anymore, I spoke up.  
"I would like to wear my red dress today Gwen, with the gold belt." I told her, and she seemed to snap out of her contemplative stance.  
"Of course my lady." She made her way over to the cupboard. I had to leave my time with Merlin behind, and what better way to do that than to embrace the girl I was before Merlin came to Camelot. Confident. Untouchable. The desire of every man, and the envy of every woman. I remember that dress always making me feel exactly that. It was bold, and verging on indecent, but it just made me love it all the more. Hopefully I could get those feelings again, instead of the vulnerable feeling that had been growing inside me since I ended it with Merlin.

"My lady?" Gwen voice broke into my thoughts and she stood in front of me, make-up and hairbrush in hand. I noticed that she had already draped the dress over the changing screen and cursed myself for zoning out once again.

"Go ahead Gwen." I said with a small smile, trying to appease her. She gave a smile back and started working on my hair, her nimble hands working it into a simple style with ease. I could see her burning to ask something, and I sighed.

"What is it Gwen?" I asked. She needed no further urging.

"What happened between you and Merlin?" She demanded, and I raised an eyebrow at her, but let it go.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I replied, turning away from the mirror so she couldn't see my expression, just in case I slipped up.

"I know you were seeing each other in secret. I clean your room remember? Merlin left his scarf here. Not to mention all the times you have snuck into Gaius' chambers, and consequently Merlin's, in the middle of the night."

"You are imagining things Gwen. There is nothing between Merlin and I. As for you seeing me entering Gaius chambers for my _sleeping draught_, what were you doing up that late anyway? If I didn't know that you mooning after my prat of a foster brother, I would say _you _were in a relationship with Merlin." I flipped the conversation back on her, and watched as she blushed a deep crimson at the mention of Arthur. I tried to contain the irrational jealousy at the thought of Gwen and Merlin, although it makes more sense for the two kind-hearted servants to be together. Gwen seemed to bristle at the accusation though.

"Merlin used to bring you a sleeping draught every night, why would you need to see Gaius for another one?" I had no answer for that, and couldn't think of one before she continued. "As for me being up so late…I do that all the time. Servants retire much later than royalty my lady, we have too much work to finish to retire early. And although I had a childish fancy for Merlin once, it was nothing more than an infatuation, because he was so different, and he was always so kind and happy. But I see him as nothing more than a brother now, although you obviously don't." She said with a sly grin. I noticed that she didn't accept nor deny my comment about her and my brother, but knew she would not be distracted, and would only turn the conversation back to Merlin and I anyway. I sighed and stopped pretending. I knew I could trust Gwen.

"It can't work Gwen." I replied simply. "Uther would have his head and that is something that I can never allow." My shoulders bowed and I fought the wave of sadness that threatened to overwhelm me. Gwen looked at me with understanding but also determination.  
"And so you break his heart to protect him?" She clarified.

"Yes. To save him, I must hurt him." I whispered, covering the tears that were making their way down my cheeks.

"But he loves you?" She pushed.

"Yes." They say that you could never truly know the feelings of another, but I knew what Merlin had told me was true.

"And you love him?"

"Yes." I breathed. "With all my heart." Gwen looked at me proudly.

"Then isn't your love worth the risk?"

"You make it sound so easy, but no, our love is not worth his life." And it was true. No matter how much I loved him, I could never let him die just so I could be with him until Uther caught us.

"Merlin would believe your love is worth his life."

"That is because he is a lovesick, selfless fool." I cried.

"Is that such a bad thing? He believes you don't love him, and you let him think that." Gwen chastised. I turned and stared her in the eye.

"No, I'm not letting him think that, I _made _him think that. It was the only way he was going to let me go. He would never accept it otherwise."

**Gwen's Pov**

I hurried through the many corridors, thinking over what Morgana had told me. She was willing to give up everything, when it wasn't even certain they would be caught. Wasn't the chance of getting caught better than this constant sorrow that both Merlin and Morgana excluded?

I reached my destination and knocked on the heavy wooden door. A muffled 'enter' was heard and I eased the door open, stepping inside and clasping my hands together. A smile threatened to break out on my face. Arthur had no such composure and rushed to my side. He pulled me into his arms, and I allowed it for a moment before easing away gently.

"I'm sorry, but I haven't come for a social call." I expected Arthur to look disappointed but he just nodded.  
"I was about to come find you too." He explained seriously.

"I need your help." We said a the same time, and laughed.

"Is this about Merlin and Morgana?" He asked, his expression serious again. I nodded.

"We have to convince them that they are better off together." I started. Arthur cocked his head to the side, scrutinizing me.

"You have a plan." He said with a grin. I smirked back, a habit I had picked up form Morgana.

"One of the oldest tricks in the book."

**Merlin's Pov**

My feet dragged as I followed Arthur on his errands, the lack of sleep catching up on me. I didn't notice where we were going until I almost ran into the door. I looked at Arthur nervously.

"Um, what are we doing here?" I asked. Arthur was not oblivious to what was going on, and I never thought he would put me through the pain of seeing her and not being able to avoid her.

"Stop being such a girl Merlin. We will only be in there a moment, I just need to pass on a message." He pushed the door open and I followed him inside reluctantly. Gwen was there too, putting on the finishing touches to Morgana's make-up.

"Arthur! You're here. Time to get this thing started I suppose." She finished drawing on Morgana's eyeliner and walked over to Arthur.

"What are you talking about?" Morgana asked suspiciously, turning around to look at us. She froze when she saw me, and I bowed my head, trying to avoid her eyes.

"Oh nothing." Gwen giggled, and walked out the door. Morgana stood slowly, looking between me and Arthur.

"What's going on Arthur?" She demanded angrily.

"Shh, it's a secret." He said, his grin reminded of a Cheshire cat. Morgana turned to me and I shrugged, as confused as her.

"Merlin, grab Morgana's linen would you?" He asked, although it may as well have been a command?

"Um, why?" I asked, looking at him oddly. Morgana had a similar expression on her face.

"Good question." She piped in.

"Well Gwen's gone, hasn't she? Someone has to change them." He insisted. I rolled my eyes.

"She will probably do that when she gets back." I argued, still trying to find Arthur's ulterior motive. Arthur looked at me in annoyance, his creepy grin dropping.

"Just do it before I put you in the stocks." He growled. I huffed and held my hands up in surrender.

"Fine!" I said with a scowl, making my way to the bed on the other side of the room. As soon as I was next to it, Arthur turned around and fled out the door, shutting it behind him.

"Arthur!" Morgana and I both screamed. The only answer was two sets of laughter and the sound of a lock clicking.

"Now you aren't allowed out until you sort things out." Gwen said cheerily and we scowled.

"This isn't funny. Stop being childish! Or at least think of something original!" I shouted. Morgana giggled and I felt a warm feeling bubbling in my stomach.

"See?" Arthur called. "It's working already!" Arthur and Gwen burst into laughter again and Morgana's laughs subsided.

"I could just scream and someone would come in and find us here. Then have fun explaining why your manservant was locked inside my chambers with me." Morgana growled.

"Actually I already sorted that out. I'm telling Father that you are skipping the feast to get some extra sleep. There are guards posted to make sure no one uses these corridors until I say so, and although don't really think you would put Merlin's life at risk, I also told them that you might start screaming. Why? Because Uther confined you to your chambers to catch up on lost sleep and you are having a tantrum." Morgana's jaw dropped and I tried not to laugh at comical sight, despite the situation we had found ourselves in. To save some of her pride, I called out to Arthur again.

"You're too much of a dollop head to think of that by yourself. I suppose that's why you needed Gwen. Or maybe you were just trying to get rid of us both so you could have some _alone _time." I mocked. I could almost hear Arthur grinding his teeth, and Gwen's laughter that began at the start of my comment soon stopped as I reached the end of it.

"Congratulations Merlin. As soon as you're out, you get to go straight to the stocks. Good luck getting some _alone _time with Morgana when you stink of rotting fruit. Maybe I will also make you clean out the stables for good measure." Arthur threatened and I grimaced. Morgana marched up to the door.

"Arthur, this is stupid, let us out before I hurt you." She warned.

"How can you hurt me through this very thick wooden door? Shout at me? You go ahead and do that." He teased. Morgana's face went bright red from anger and embarrassment and she was silent for a moment, thinking of something to say back. They really were like siblings in a way. Always fighting, neither willing to give in.

"I'll hurt your manservant then." She said triumphantly. There was another moment of silence and the tension was so thick you could almost cut it with a knife. When Arthur replied, his voice was so faint you could barely hear it.

"You already have." We heard one set of footsteps leave, heavy enough to be Arthur's.

"Tell him what you told me Morgana." Gwen said quietly, and then he rlight footsteps could also be heard walking away.

"We could use magic to open the door." Morgana suggested.

"You heard what Arthur said. There are guards posted to ensure that no-one comes down here. Don't you think he'd be the least bit curious as to how we got out?"

"Use magic, but tell Arthur you broke the lock or even the door's hinges?" She tried.

"Morgana, look at me. Even I will admit that I'm like a stick. Do you really think Arthur will think me strong enough to break a door?" I said, trying not to dwell on yet another reason why there are better suitors for Morgana than I.

"You are stronger than you look. I would know." She said, then flinched as she realized what had slipped out. She would know from all the times I had held her, and the times that her hands had removed my shirt.

"Morgana…" I started, but she held up a hand.

"Don't start Merlin. It cannot be." She said and turned away.

"What did Gwen mean? About telling me what you told her?" I said weakly. Morgana stiffened, making me even more curious.

"Nothing. She was obviously lying." I felt angry at her accusation against Gwen, even though I knew she was only doing it to hide something.

"Gwen doesn't lie and you know it. We've both witnessed how terrible she is at it." I said wryly.

"Well she did." She said unconvincingly, still not facing me. I sighed and picked up and bowl of water from her vanity. It contained rose petals and I plucked them out, dropping them in a pile next to the bowl. Practising with Morgana had let me hone my own skills, and I was able to grow stronger than I would have if I had only practiced by myself. With the extra strength, I had almost mastered the spell for scrying. I could see into the past, although I had not yet been able to see the future. I waited for the ripples in the bowl to settle, then held my hands over the bowl and whispered the incantation.

"_**Scéawung mé hwæm ic áwilnian æt æalá" **_

The water darkened for a moment before settling on an image I had seen several times before.

"_And you love him?"_

"_Yes." She breathed so quietly that I almost missed it. My heart stopped, making me want to believe when I could not. "With all my heart." Doubt entered my mind. Why would she admit it to Gwen if it was a lie, when it would only put both Morgana and I in more danger?_

"_Then isn't your love worth the risk?" _

"_You make it sound so easy, but no, our love is not worth his life." Why must she make me feel like this? Like the only reason is fear for my life. It makes it so much harder to stay away. _

"_Merlin would believe your love is worth his life." Gwen argued._

"_That is because he is a lovesick, selfless fool." Morgana said, and I tried to figure out if her voice contained more adoration or mocking. _

"_Is that such a bad thing? He believes you don't love him, and you let him think that." Gwen chastised. _

"_No, I'm not letting him think that, I made him think that. It was the only way he was going to let me go. He would never accept it otherwise." _

I was flung out of the vision and I reeled backwards, puffing. My eyes were wide and my heart throbbed with hope. She loved me. She admitted it to Gwen.

"I was lying." Morgana said, holding her hand as if it pained her. I grabbed it from her but saw nothing.

"I'm fine." She said, pulling her hand away. "I obviously can't touch you while you're scrying. Gave my hand a nasty shock." She said, disgruntled. My eyebrows shot up. I didn't know that.

"I'm sorry." I said, grabbing her hand again and kissing her palm where she most likely got shocked. Her eyes closed and it took her a moment to pull away, further solidifying my belief that she was telling Gwen the truth.

"I think you are lying now. You can't fake every emotion I saw crossing your face in that vision. I know you too well Morgana." I accused.

"I was lying to Gwen. I couldn't have my own maid turn against me." Morgana said too quickly. "I feel nothing for you now." Her words hurt, even though I knew she was lying now.

"I don't believe you. If you feel nothing, then prove it to me. Hurt me. Stab me through my already broken heart, or even better, poison me and get your revenge." I spread my arms out wide, challenging her. I watched her face flicker through a range of emotions in just a few seconds. Pain, sadness, love, anger, and determination. She closed her eyes and her expression became cold and frozen. She looked like a cross between the dangerous goddess Athena and the Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty and desire. She looked frightening and beautiful at the same time, something few could achieve. I realized I had underestimated Morgana, and the lengths she would go to make me believe what she wished. She held up her hand, her jaw clenched.

A ball of fire flew at my head and I batted it away without blinking. Another one came and I dodged it even easier than the first, summoning an orb of water from the bowl to intercept it.

Morgana's green eyes gleamed with anger as she shot spell after spell at me, only to have them fail. She cursed and changed tactics, maneuvering the air to try and push me of my feet. I summoned a wall of rock in front of me, allowing it to take the force of the blow. Afterwards, the rock melded back into the floor as if it had never moved in the first place. The spells came easy to me, and yet my head still pounded. The force grew with every glare from Morgana's eyes, every scowl from her lips, and every attack that came at me by her hand.

"Stop!" I shouted. Morgana just smirked, her eyes triumphant, thinking that I was giving up.

"Never." She vowed. Gone were the threatening speeches and threats from when she first returned to Camelot, and in their place stood single words…or nothing. The lack of threats made her seem even more dangerous. Now there was only her ice-cold gaze on you, and her voice seemed that much darker when she finally did speak.

More attacks came with me and I set my jaw, stopping attack after attack, making my closer after each defense. Closer, and closer, until I stopped a final attack and stood in front of her, close enough to see each of her individual eyelashes. Both of us were breathing heavily from exertion and I couldn't help notice how her chest heaved with each breath, made even more obvious by the tight, low cut dress she wore. I glanced away and looked at her face, trying not to become entranced as I always did when I saw her. Needless to say - I failed.

"Stop." I whispered, gentler now. She didn't attack but nor did she agree to submit.

"No." She replied, her voice quiet but still deadly.

"I don't want to fight you any more." I pleaded, trying to appeal to any shred of the Morgana who claimed to love me.

"Then don't. I told you I didn't want to be with you, so leave me alone before I make you." Her words were harsh, and despite her mask, I could see the pain the words brought her. Not to mention that her face had been inching closer and closer while speaking, until she spoke the last word with her lips almost touching my own.

"You know I can't do that." I breathed, fighting between sadness at the rift between us, and the lust that always came into play when we were this close.

"I know." There seemed to be a double meaning to her words, and I scrutinized her face, trying to understand.

Her proximity became too much and as much as I tried to fight it, repressed passion overcame me and I captured her lips with my own. She gasped and responded eagerly, just as I knew she would, just as she always did. Our lips fit together perfectly, opposites fitting together. The Darkness to the Light, the Hatred to the Love. My hands slipped around her waist to pull her closer, our bodies notching together. A breath escaped her, and her arms slid around my neck, trying to minimize the space between us. I used the distraction to slip my tongue inside her mouth and she arched into me.

"Mine." I murmured into her lips, and as I knew she would, she pushed me away. Her eyes showed the contempt she felt for my words.

"I belong to no-one." She hissed. My eyes darkened and I pulled her close again, determined to not let her get away from once again.

"You're wrong Morgana. You are mine just as I will always be yours." I swore, truth ringing form every word.

"You know nothing. You are but a foolish boy. You know nothing of me, or you would not be stupid enough to try and claim me." She shouted, trying to escape my grasp.

"I do not claim your life, your soul, or that fiery spirit of yours," I said with a grin, before becoming serious again. "I only claim your love, and your body. I will always fight so that you will love only me, and as for that sinful body of yours-" Both of our eyes darkened at my words, "-no one can touch it but me. You. Are. Mine." I kissed her once again, pressing her against the bedpost.

"I don't love you," She gasped between kisses, "You are just a servant." She couldn't deny that I had touched her body, so she went for another tactic. "As for claiming my body, you are not the only one to have touched it." She said victoriously. I pulled back to look into her eyes, pushing back the wave of jealousy within me. Then I smirked. I could see the dishonesty in her eyes, she was lying. If not about the love, then at least about her body.

"You're lying." I murmured, halting her protests with my mouth. "I am the only one to have touched you, the only one to have brought you pleasure. The only person who will, apart from yourself if that is what you wish." She blushed at my insinuation and I chuckled, running my hand up her leg, proving my point. She shivered, trying to protest.

"Stop." She panted half-heartedly. "I could-could tell Uther." She stuttered. "About _everything._ About your-your magic, and about _us_." She threatened, pulling me closer despite her attempt at denial.

"But you won't" I replied quickly, trying to hide the shred of doubt I felt.

"And why is that?" She said, trying to pull of her trademark smirk. It failed dismally. I pulled away, and gazed at her, her green eyes shining with need, her cheeks flushed and lips swollen.

"Because you still love me." I whispered almost inaudibly. "And I'm going to prove it." I vowed, kissing her again.


	21. Heart and Soul

**So sorry everyone! Wrote this chapter a while ago and didn't realize I forgot to post it when the internet went down! Anyway, despite the delay, here is the FINAL chapter!**

_**Angelhaggis:**_** Glad you thought so, cause that was what I was aiming for haha**

_**Meri Ley: **_**Here's your update**

_**MonsterJunkie: **_**It was definitely different this time around! You as always helped with that **** Haha yeah it was cliché, don't about you, but I always loved that resolution method. Thanks for your faithful reviews!**

_**Sjritts: **_**That's why we have fanfiction! That always bugged me too, so much potential wasted in the show!**

_**Phhsdj: **_**Okay. Haha**

_**Maryandmatthewcrawley: **_**I think your name is longer than my chapters! Haha I'm glad you like it, and now you get to see what happens next **

_**Emerys96: **_**Thanks for the review, short and yet so amazing **** Judging by your name, I'm guessing you are born in 1996? Me too! 96 FTW!**

_**Shadow-kissed angel: **_**Haha yes, poor Merlin. Did you get that saying off the season 2, episode 12 commentary. I did ;) Here is the update, obviously… Enjoy!**

**Morgana's Pov**

Shivers went through me as Merlin pulled me closer, setting every one of my nerves on fire. It hadn't been that long, but to me, it had seemed far too long since we had been this close. It had been too long since he had touched me, and my imagination could never do the feeling justice. Goosebumps rose on my legs as he gripped my thighs and lifted me up, using the bedpost for support until I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Stop." I tried, a protest that was undermined by my lips, which stayed on his, and my hands that started to roam his body, feeling the muscle that was always hidden under his baggy clothes. Now that I had a secure grip on him with my legs, Merlin's hands started to wander, drifting down my sides, over my hips and resting on my backside. His lips left mine and I felt cold from the loss of contact. My complaint died as his lips moved to attack my neck, the sensations making me tighten my grip and arch into him. His lips moved to my ears.

"Why?" He rumbled, his voice sending shivers through me. His lips returned to my neck, before slowly moving lower. I realized I didn't know why I was complaining, and why I was telling him to stop. Merlin sensed my hesitation and grinned before lifting me again, only to lower me onto the bed.

"You tried to lie to me, saying that I am not the only man who has pleasured you. We both know that isn't true, and that you would never give yourself to a man you didn't love, and yet you were willing to give yourself to me, before I pushed you away." He stared at me, waiting, and I found I couldn't deny it, not when he had pushed down all my barriers, first with his words, and now with his hands and body.

"Yes." I admitted hesitantly. "Merlin please, don't make me wait." His eyes softened but the steely resolve in his eyes didn't.

"You can ask me to lower my morals for you now, but what will happen when the dawn rises? If you truly wish for me to take you now, you will tell me that you love me. That you aren't going to push me away tomorrow. That we will be together like we once were." My body burned with the need for his and my heart ached to be truly connected with him in every way. But the risk-

"Uther…" I tried, but he cut me off.

"Who cares about Uther! You have never hesitated to defy him before. Why now?" He asked, his eyes questioning and pained.

"It was never your life at stake before." I cried, pushing myself up. The burning was still there but it was being tempered with my grief. I pulled my legs up against my chest and stared at the wall, unable to meet Merlin's gaze.

"Forget about Uther." He murmured. "I'm not asking you to announce it to the whole world. The only people who have found out are those closest to us, who would never turn us in. We only have to wait for Arthur to be king. We will be more careful and we will not get caught. I will make sure of it. I do not want to tarnish your name any more than you want to see me killed. But please Morgana, just let yourself feel." He pleaded, mimicking my words from so long ago. I stared at him, my eyes wide and vulnerable, showing how much I wanted to believe everything would be all right.

"Trust me Morgana." I stiffened, the words echoing through my mind. _You can trust me Morgana. _How many times had he told me that? How many times had he done everything he could to help me, and yet I still went to my sister's side, turning against Camelot, and forcing him to break that vow. I would never put him in that position again.

"I trust you." I whispered.

He pulled me closer and kissed me desperately, months of loving touches and years of longing building up to this moment. The moment I was joined with him, body, mind, heart and soul.

**The End. **

**It's been a long ride, and there were a few touch and go chapters, but it's done! I am quite proud of this story and I hope you liked it too. If you are feeling deprived, and need some more Mergana hits in your brain, I have 2 other drabble stories. Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed, you really make my days so much brighter! If you are feeling generous, why not throw one last review my way, a review for the road! **** Or not…**

I love you all! Byeeeeee


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